In Defense of Omarosa

by Lena Fields-Arnold

Omarosa is back in the news again.  With the launch of her new book scheduled for release in literally just a few hours, her name has been on the lips of thousands of people-mostly to vilify her.

I have heard many people say a lot of harsh things about her over the years.  I have to admit, the first time I watched Omarosa on The Apprentice I experienced some of these same feelings.  It wasn’t until the end of the season, when many people to this day still believe she caused Kwame to lose, that I realized-“this chick is brilliant!”

First of all, she did not cause Kwame to lose.  He’d already lost the minute Trump gave Bill (the white dude) the golf outing and Kwame (the black dude) a concert. Anybody with half a brain knew what that meant.  Trump loves golf.  Rich white men love golf.  All the people with the most money to give would be at the golf tournament.  Behind the scenes Trump’s gonna throw all the support he can into the thing he knows his buddies are most likely to support.


Omarosa’s a smart woman.  She figured it out too-the jig was already up for Kwame, who has since spoken openly that he does not blame her for costing him the show. AND while he has not acknowledged her claims that the show portrayed her in a bad light, he does admit that reality TV is not really “reality” and things often get edited out.

So in Omarosa’s defense, the majority of the world was introduced to her through a “reality” show that is only loosely based on reality. “Reality TV can and does alter perceptions and make a us believe a person is either a hero or villain based on what they want us to believe.  It’s all about what they allow us to see, and for the most part they only allowed us to see footage that most portrayed her as cold, calculating, and for lack of a better word bitchy.

Which leads me to wonder where’s the footage of her good, helpful, and friendly side?  

On the show she was described by detractors as being “controversial, blindsiding, alienating, dog-eat-dog, in-your-face and acrimonious…and dubbed as the woman America loved to hate”[17] and …TV’s number one bad girl…“(


Omarosa herself has rejected these labels “asserting that when a male takes on such characteristics, it is always seen as strong, but when a woman takes them on, it is seen negatively.

You know what, she’s right! If Omarosa was a white man they would call her a shrewd and crafty strategist.  She’d be a hero.  They’d name babies after her and corporations would be begging her to come and work for them.

finger wagging w textWhy is it that when a woman is strong and assertive she is often described at domineering and aggressive.  Haven’t I had these same labels put on me?  A black woman has it even harder.  There’s a  black man on You Tube who I won’t dignify him by saying who is is who often describes black women as “beasties.” Seriously!  I see white women who behave the same way as the black women he loves to villify and he doesn’t call them beasties.  I have a name for him and it’s Uncle Ruckus!

I could give all kinds of examples from my own life, so we’ll just start with a recent one.  I was pulled over by a police officer.  All I did was ask him a question and he accused me of being argumentative.  I didn’t yell, I didn’t raise my voice.  I complied with all his requests.  Let start by saying it wasn’t racial.  This was a light skinned black cop who was young enough to be my son. Anyone reading this knows his attitude would have been different if I was 1)a white man 2) a white woman or 3) a man of any color.

But I digress, as I often do, because this is about Omarosa.

Internationally known by only her first name, Omarosa became a global TV sensation on the first season of the NBC hit reality television show, The Apprentice, starring business tycoon Donald Trump. Omarosa went on to roles on the show’s sister programs, Celebrity Apprentice, All-Star Celebrity Apprentice and dating show The Ultimate Merger. In 2016, candidate Trump named Omarosa Director of African American Outreach for his presidential campaign. After the election, she was named Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the Office of Public Liaison. Omarosa’s long-time relationship with Donald Trump and position within the West Wing gave her an unrivaled vantage point on the inner workings of the Trump White House during its tumultuous first year. (Shamelessly stolen from her website because why work hard when the works already been done for me. Feel free to click if you want to read more)

Before all that though she attended Central State University earning a bachelor’s in broadcast journalism, received a master’s degree from Howard University and began working towards her PhD. She’s studied at Payne Theological Seminary in Wilberforce, Ohio, and has since become a license and ordained minister. She’s also worked in the office of Vice President Al Gore and the US Commerce.

Those are pretty impressive credentials for a small town girl from Youngstown, Ohio.  Have you ever been to Youngstown?  I have.  No offense to Youngstown, I’m just glad she made it out of there.

So she gets fired (or resigned depending on who’s telling the story,) either way we got black women putting her on front street talking about “Bye Felicia.”  These are the same women who glorify people like Beyoncé, Rhianna, and Niki Minaj who let’s face are glorified strippers and Cardi B., who literally was stripper.

Try going onto the average church and saying something bad about Beyonce’ and see what kind of push back you’ll get. Let me say what I just said on Facebook and every carnal Christian will come out of the woodwork and tell me to “stop judging Beyonce’.”  But if  I was to say something bad about Omarosa, a married, ordained minister, who has never spread her legs open wide and shaken her booty in front of a camera and they will all join in on the backbiting and hating.

In defense of Omarosa, here is an intelligent, high achieving black woman and instead of embracing her we are hating on her.  Listen if you are still mad about her behavior on reality shows then you still don’t get it.  It’s all a game and she has never stopped playing it! How else do you explain why she keeps ranking in the top of the game?  

You’re angry at her for supporting Trump?


You ticked off ’cause she went to work for Trump?


You all pissed off about her book?


In case you are wondering-No I don’t know Omarosa.  I have never met her.  But I do know a couple of her friends and they are really nice people and I like them, so I figure she can’t be all bad.  But that’s not why I wrote this.  I wrote it because I am tired.  I’m tired of strong, intelligent, successful black women being labeled and vilified simply because they have the courage to stand up for themselves.  I might not like her choice of candidates but I have to admire the courage it took to support him.  Plus, how many black women besides Condoleeza Rice can say they worked for a President of the United States?

But hey maybe it was just for the money.  Frankly I’m not really mad about that either.  ‘Cause let’s be honest if Trump called me right now and offered me $300,000 a year to be his Communications whatever, and I knew I could get a $10,000,000 book deal afterwards I’d be like “SIGN ME UP FOR SOME OF THAT RIGHT NOW!” You know you would too.

———————————————————————————————————————————-Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at:




Why did God use the rib of Adam to create Eve?

Really good post of the importance of both the man and the women and their relationship to one another.

chilavert nmezi ministries

Everything God does is for a reason. Why didn’t God use the blood, flesh or any other part of Adam to make Eve? God took Adam’s rib, why? Eve was made of a rib out of the side of Adam, not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to stand by him, under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved.

Adam was created but Eve was made. Adam came from the dust but Eve came from the rib. The rib does not easily decay in the dust but the dust can be blown away. So the rib (Eve) is in the dust (Adam) to help him stand the test of time. If God goes to the dust again to make Eve it will make her equal…

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Prayer for Young People to Make Good Decisions

Dear heavenly Father: today I pray for all the young people out there who make bad relationship decisions because of low self-esteem. I pray that they will come to understand that Maslows hierarchy of needs has it wrong. By making self-actualization the last thing we seek, we ignore the existence of a sovereign creator who made us in His image. Our “self-actualization” comes from a “God recognition.” When we know who we are in God we are already self-actualized. From there we can trust God’s word that He will take care of all of our needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. That includes food, clothing, shelter and our future mates-who if they are also God-actualized and centered in Christ will make for very good ones.

Reposted from Facebook



Very inspirational piece and blog. Check out what Godly Chic Diaries is writing today.

The Godly Chic Diaries

  • Our work should equip

    the next generation of women

    to outdo us in every field

    this is the legacy we’ll leave behind


They say you are a woman, you are not worthy. I ask WHY?

To YOU, my future female colleagues, from all walks of life, don’t ever let the opinions of others dictate your decisions. You are going to face obstacles and doubters, but use them to fuel you, never stop you. Incredible things happen to women who walk side by side, hold each other up and support each other! You determine whats best for you. Be who you are. Stand up for yourself and others – that’s what I’m doing now!God bless!

Blessings and love…

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The Finish

The Finish

by Lena Arnold

 The FinishHistory of the above poem The Finish

I recently learned that my poem “The Finish” was in a high school graduation flyer in a completely different state.  I didn’t mind that.  In fact I was very flattered.  The whole point of the poem is to inspire people never to give up. What did bother me was the fact that whoever decided to put it in the flyer did not bother to cite the author ME!  My friend who was at the graduation saw it and exclaimed to the person who created the flyer, “This is my friends poem! Where did you get this and why isn’t her name on it?”

The person replied, “You’re friend wrote this.  Really? No she didn’t I just found it somewhere.”  As if my friend couldn’t possibly have a friend who could write such an inspirational poem. Oh, and she never elaborated where the “somewhere” was she found it. So I was in effect flattered and insulted all in the same day.

God gave me this poem in 1986.  I said God because I believe God gave me the gift of writing and I am often inspired by the Word of God to write. So I don’t mean He literally spoke to me in a cloud of light, I simply mean He inspired me and I wrote the poem.

It was copy written at that time and first performed publicly by ME at a graduation ceremony for a non-profit program for run by an organization called Project IMPACT Dayton.  I was an employee and co-creator of a program called the Truancy Prevention Project, which is still being utilized by an organization called Project CURE in Dayton, OH.

Since that time, I have placed this poem on the last page of every book I have written and published, with the exception of Jackie’s Way. It can also be found on all my blogs.

So, if you ever see my poem The Finish with the words “author anonymous” or “author unknown,” or no author at all, do me and all other writers a favor-contact whoever published it and send them this link.  While it feels good to inspire, being invisible-Not so much.-Lena Fields-Arnold, Author “The Finish.”

Here’s a picture with the poem. Please feel free to share it with them as well as with anyone else who might need a word of encouragement.

God Bless-Lena

PS, if you like this poem, please click the link and buy some Finish Products.  They’re really cool. Click here and BUY the Finish Products online at Zazzle.


Secondary Infertility

The Emotions of Secondary Infertility
Secondary infertility is a highly emotional journey for couples to have to take. Many couples find it hard to believe that they can’t get pregnant, especially after getting pregnant so easily the first time around. It is common to experience feelings of anger and frustration towards those who are so easily able to expand their families. Couples experiencing secondary infertility often feel particularly alone too – not only do family and friends seem unable to understand, but those experiencing primary infertility are often less than supportive. These intense emotions can really make dealing with infertility difficult.

What Causes Secondary Infertility?

Many of the causes of secondary infertility are similar to those associated with primary infertility. Most couples find that their secondary infertility is the result of a combination of these factors. To Read More Click Here


Black’ish-More Like Lame’ish

blackishThe title says it all. My family and I tried so hard to like the show. We really did. As a fan of both Anthony Anderson and Tracey Ellis Ross and huge fans of Laurence Fisburne, we held out high hopes that that the show would bring us back to the time of the Cosby show. Say what you want about Bill Cosby, but the man knew how to create a good show and he knew how to make you laugh.

But this show is neither. It has had a couple of brief moments when it actually made us laugh, but most of the time it just has us asking “What the hell?”

So let’s start with what’s wrong that could easily be made right.

Stop preaching at us. If we wanted to be preached at we would be watching a televangelist and not Blackish. That’s one of the things that made the Cosby show funny. I could turn on the TV, see a successful black family, who at least initially didn’t take itself too seriously. Stop taking everything so seriously. Lighten up and have some fun.

Quit playing like black folks go to the job and have open discussions about our personal issues with our white co-workers, especially our bosses. No black person in America does that. Think about it, when have you ever gone to work and sat around the table with your white boss and co workers having a therapy session about any personal issues? I’m not talking about general stuff we joke about. This dude is going there talking about black lives matter and white racism, and personal stuff between him and his wife. I don’t think so. You know we don’t do that.

Your momma and your daddy living with you. Naw, uh unh! We might have bought that premise if Bow was 100% white, but ain’t no way in hell a sista gonna let both your deadbeat parents live up in there.

Why does every week have to be a social issue? Or why can’t you have a social issue and still be funny-you know like the “Jefferson’s,” “Sanford and Son,” and “All in the Family” were back in the day. They managed to deal with a boatload of stuff, but they knew how to make it Funny.

Dre and Charlie never work. Do you really think that racist boss of his would let two black men get away with that?

Before the baby they had two black sons, one of whom is portrayed as stupid and clueless and who Dre treats like crap, and the other is a cute, lovable Stepin Fechit.  The show spends most of it’s time pointing out the ways in which the world discriminates and sterotypes black people while committing the more heinous crime of demasulating black men.

Black’sh portrays the men as  buffoons who don’t love their sons. The grandfather is portrayed as a deadbeat dad, hustling drunkard, still mooching off his son. Bow is often heard calling her husband an idiot. She downplays his contributions to the household and society. For example in more than one episode she belittes his profession because she’s a doctor who saves lives while he basically spends his life lying to people to get them to buy things. She has a medical degree while just has a bachelor’s degree “in Marketing.” She references this difference a lot to assert that she is somehow smarter than him while the understated reference is “I don’t really need you.” Maybe that’s deliberate on the part of the writer. I don’t know, but it’s another example of the demasculation of the black man.

If it wasn’t for the hilarity of the Character Charlie we would have left a long time ago. He’s a dumb, lazy, borderline absentee parent, but at least he’s funny.

Even through all his we tried, until the episodes of the marriage problems. Words cannot the describe the disappointment. Yeah we get it, black people have marriage problems, they get divorced, but it just seemed like it came out nowhere. That made no sense!

Okay, I don’t know about y’all, but I watch television sitcoms to escape reality, to veg, to laugh. That’s why it is called a “Situation Comedy!” People find themselves in comedic situations, we poke fun at reality, we laugh, we have a good time, and we feel better about the real situations we are in.

There is nothing funny about Blackish or it’s  “I wish I was a Different World” spin off Grown’ish.  I’m disappointed because My husband and  I were looking forward to having family nights once a week with Black’ish, but after the first few episodes my husband was done. The kids and persevered through the first season, but now we’re done. But maybe it’s just us’ish.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to end on a negative note because at the end of the day this is a positive black show, with an extremely talented cast.  It has a gifted writer/producer in Kenya Barris and despite my personal opinion that it is overdone and in too politically correct a fashion: Barris and the cast are to be applauded for having the courage to deal with controversial issues.  In a world where so much television is garbage at least they are trying to bring something meaningful to the screen. That is something to be respected and honored.

Even though I said I was done, I’m probably not, because the truth is I want to like this show.  I really do.  I want to support positive black television and for that reason alone I will probably tune into the show because I am hoping that at some point the shows writers and producers will recognize that they can get their points across and still be funny.  I’m waiting for the moment when the show will hit it’s stride-that magical moment when everything comes together just right and the show becomes a television icon-a thing regarded as a representative symbol of something. In this case the symbol of the SITCOM!  When that moment happens, Black’ish and Grown’ish both have the potential to be the best thing that ever happened to television. I look forward to seeing it happen.

Tiny Toilet Stalls and Teachers with Guns

Lena Arnold



Okay, I have put this off for far too long. I can’t hold it any longer. I have to talk about tiny toilet stalls.

So there I was in the middle of Black Panther, when that extra large icee, that I really had no business drinking anyway, finally worked it’s way through me. I tried to hold out until the movie hit a boring spot (it never did) allowing me to feel like I could go without missing something important.

Eventually I had to go, and when I did I remembered another reason why I hate going to theater restrooms. Oh who am I kidding, pretty much ALL public bathrooms-TINY TOILET STALLS!

OMG! Seriously! Who designs these things? I know it’s those tiny little people from that show! They’re trying to get us back for the Barnum and Bailey exploitation. For the record, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even born then. Don’t blame me for what my ancestors did. (Hmm, this sounds familiar.)

But I digress.

Okay, so I’m not fat, but I am a (plus size woman) I put that in parenthesis because I still don’t know who decided that I am plus sized, because when I was growing up I was “big boned.” Which I guess was supposed to be a nice way of saying you ain’t skinny, but you sho’ nuff not fat either. But these bathrooms ain’t made for us big boned girls. They are made for skinny teens, Asians, and garden gnomes; and it’s not fair because us “plus size” American women outnumber them all. In concrete numbers and weight-so why are these bathroom stalls so tiny? ARRRGGGHHHHH!

So I wanna apologize to all the disabled people in advance, ‘cause I’m gonna use your stall. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I’ll try to be fast so I don’t inconvenience you, but you gotta understand, my butt cannot take rubbing up against the toilet paper holder another day; and it is a really icky feeling if your exposed parts accidentally bump into the side of the stall while you are trying to reach for that paper. I mean, I’d like to believe that stall was cleaned before I went to use it, but I know the truth.

So to you bathroom stall designers out there, would you do us a favor and make the stalls just a little bigger. This is a case where less (as in fewer stalls) and bigger is better. If you are thinking about telling me to lose weight so I can navigate these tiny toilets stalls well you shutta you face ‘cause I ain’t fat-I’m just big boned!

Teachers with guns

Now that that is out of the way, lets talk about teachers with guns.

So this Parkland thing got me to thinking. At first I was all for teachers carrying guns. But then I started thinking about some of the teachers I’d had over the years and in hindsight, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. teacher meme

So let me tell you about some of them. I have changed the names to protect their progeny from embarrassment. So once upon a time there was my fifth grade homeroom teacher. He was going through some things as we discovered when he began crying during class and yelling at us because his wife was leaving him and his water heater had busted and left his basement flooded. He banged on students desks, while ranting because someone was talking during his discourse. That dude is a case study for why teachers shouldn’t have guns.

Then there was my sixth grade English teacher who like to torture students by hitting them with wooden spoons or making them stand in corners with their fists in their mouths and one foot in the air if they misbehaved. If their foot touched the floor during their time out-watch out, ‘cause that wooden spoon would be like “WHACK!” I’m not kidding. Parents knew about her and didn’t care either. You know what, she was an awesome English teacher and had very few discipline problems-buuuuuuuuut I still don’t think she should carry a gun in school. Boy can you imagine the tortures she would have thought up if she’d been packin’?

Let’s see, back then just about every principal was a mini dictator. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying these were bad people, but it’s a bit disconcerting to know your principals held contest to see who’s paddle had the potential to cause the most anguish, pain, and suffering to a student. We are talking about people who would put holes in them to make them swing faster. Have them made out of fiberglass, or put nails on one side and hang it on the wall for kids to see. In my day, going to the principals office them was a real threat and truly a thing to be feared. Today’s most feared dictators could learn a thing or two from these guys. Although, some schools might need a principal like this, ‘cause you’re gonna definitely think twice before you cut up in class or bully another student. Nevertheless, at the end of the day I wouldn’t want have wanted those guys carrying guns. They took waaaaaaay too much pleasure out of beating the hell out of kids with those paddles. I don’t even want to think about how they would have been with a gun.

I don’t pretend to have any answers to today’s school violence and I don’t envy the school administrators who have to come up with solutions. Even if they decide to arm teachers. I just hope none of them are like Mr. C., my middle school art teacher who got caught up in a porn scandal on the day his boyfriend left him for his best friends underage daughter.

*This post is not intended to advocate for gun control or to disavow it-to take sides for one, or be against the other. Its just my thoughts about some real teachers I have had and the above stories are only scratching the surface. In general though, I have had some really great teachers and even the best among them have a lot on their plate already without adding security guard to an already full plate? Share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you. I’d like to hear your crazy teacher stories too. I think we could all use a good laugh right about now.


Who is responsible When a Twelve Year Old Commits Suicide from Bullying?

The Headline read, “Parents of 12-year-old who killed herself following alleged bullying want school officials ‘held responsible'”

Upon first reading the headline I thought, “Yeah, they should have done more to protect this girl.  When she is at school it is their responsibility to keep all kids safe right?

But after further reading the story I had to ask myself the following questions.  “Is it really all their fault? You read the story, then come back to this page so we can have an online conversation about what should have happened and who is really responsible.

The parents of a 12-year-old girl who took her own life after they say she was severely bullied by peers, and even adults, at her Florida middle school are calling for school officials to “be held responsible, ultimately, for what they’ve allowed.”-Click her to read full article.

You’re back.  Thanks for returning so let’s talk about what should have happened in this very tragic situation.


Federal Courts have already ruled that when a child is at school it is the schools responsibility to ensure the safety of that child.  I recall nearly 40 years ago watching an after-school special about a cheerleader who was routinely bullied by the athletes, ultimately culminating in a violent rape of the student while she was participating in school activities.  I can’t remember the name of the movie, so if any of you remember the case or the movie, please post it here.  The parents tried repeatedly to get the school to do something about the problem but they continued to blow off the parents and ignore the problem even to the point of blaming the cheerleader.

The parents sued the school system and the case made it’s way up to the Supreme Court which ruled that it is a schools obligation to protect children when they are on school property and/or participating in school sponsored activities and events. In effect they are to operate under the same reasonable care a parent would.


Parents should fight for their children.  A couple of friends of mine have personal experience with this issue.  One friends child was routinely bullied on the bus.  He would come home crying every day about how he was treated.  She tried talking to the bus driver, to the school principal, and the superintendent and nothing was done.

One day she’d had enough and stepped onto the bus and told the bus driver that if her child “comes home one more time crying about some child hitting him upside the head or otherwise physically harming him , then the next time you see me on this bus it will be to kick your ass!”  Then she turned to the students and addressed each bully personally, “When I am done with the bus driver, then I am going to kick your asses! If your parents come after me than I will kick their asses!

Result-Bullying stopped!

Please note: I am neither advocating nor disavowing her methods. What I am saying is that it was her direct involvement in the situation that made a difference.  Those bullies realized he had a protector who was willing to do whatever it took to protect her child so they left him alone.

It’s easy to say kids should stand up for themselves, but some kids are just not made that way. Others like hers have minor disabilities that keep them from being able to stand up for themselves.  Someone has to fight for them.

My other friend who was dealing with his issue also tried in vain to get the schools to help, so she and her husband finally elected to remove him from the situation completely.  They looked into other educational options, eventually choosing homeschooling. He is now a thriving, confident teenager who is on schedule to graduate.

If the issue is causing stress that interferes with school performance, they might also be able to get an Individualized Student Success Plan (This plan may be known by various names depending on your school district.) When a student has a plan, the school must meet all the requirements laid out in that plan for that student to succeed.

Remove your child from the drama.  You are not obligated to send your child to that school.  Your child is not entitled to a cell phone or access to social media. Change schools, change districts, find a private school, or home-school. Ban social media. Take away access. Do what you have to do to protect your child.

Finally, parents who can’t or who don’t feel comfortable exercising those options can force school accountability by filing formal grievances and lawsuits BEFORE something happens to their child.  This sends notice that you are serious and forces the schools hand, because now it’s a district issue.


Gabbie made the sad decision to end her own life.  Jackie in my book Jackie’s Way: Jackie’s Terrible Temper ;(-Click here to learn more.) elected to talk to her grandfather about what was going on.


Find a Place of Refuge

Grandpa offered Jackie some concrete advice that helped her solve her issue. Not only that, he offered a willing hand to help if the situation continued to spiral outside the scope if her control. Grandpa became her place of peace.  You must find yours.
PHOTO: Gabbie Green is seen here in this undated file photo.
Gabbie Green is seen here in this undated file photo.
 Help Others Find a Place of Refuge
When my daughter was much younger we enrolled in a home school co-op run by a group of women who’d started the co-op for their own children. As other children became involved this group of children became increasingly cliquish; excluding others including my daughter from their close knit group.
Since I didn’t care much for the women or their immature kids  I elected not to waste my time enlisting their help in solving the problem.
I gave my daughter the following advice. “The next time you are at class look around the room.  See who else is not fitting in or who is not a part of their clique.  Sit next to them. Talk to them, Engage them. I promise you they are feeling like you and will be happy you reached out to them.  Soon you will find yourself with a group of friends and none of those other people will matter.”
It worked, and it was a lesson she has carried with her to this day.  She never worries about “fitting in” because I taught her how to help other people “fit in” with her. When you find your place of refuge and help others find their place of refuge, then those small minded people no longer matter.


Fight For Yourself-Make it clear to all that you will fight for yourself.

According to the article Gabbie was also being bullied by teachers and administrators at her school as well as by students. I know for a fact this happens because it happened to me my first week of high school. For some reason an upper class student singled me out as their victim.  I was attempting to enter the gym for class and she blocked the door and refused to move.  Behind her stood the gym teacher/boys varsity basketball coach and  the Jr. Varsity basketball coach, both egging her stupidity on.

I stood there for a few seconds as she continued to block the door and daring me to move her and finally said calmly, “It seems to me you are feeling froggy today.  Go ahead and leap.”

Both coaches stopped the egging and stood behind her in silent shock. This is not what they were expecting. She noticed it too and stopped talking and just stared at me. Then, I proceeded to walk into the gym, using my arm to gently sweep her to the side as I entered.  To save face she said, “Well I guess I’ll let you in this time.”  I laughed.  I could have said more, but what was the point.  I’d won. I never had another problem from that girl, and I’d won the respect of those immature adults.

It was possible that the girl may have been able to beat the snot out of me, but I had to take the risk. See, she had more to lose if she lost the fight, so taking the risk was worth it because since word spreads quickly in high school, it put everyone on notice that this girl (meaning me) will not allow herself to be a victim.

I recall another girl in high school who was repeatedly bullied and no one bothered to help her.  She got so mad she pulled a butcher knife on her antagonists.

PLEASE NOTE: I not justifying resorting to violence, but I can attest to this, those girls NEVER bothered her again.  Find your way to stand up for yourself or resolve to remove yourself from the situation before it escalates to the place where you feel violence or suicide is the only option. Which leads to the next strategy.

Retreat is not Defeat

Everyone of us is different.  We have varying strengths and weakness which ebb and flow as we age and mature. If you don’t feel you are strong enough right now to fight alone, enlist your parents in the battle and retreat to home school, or another school if you need to while the battle is being waged.  Or don’t bother trying to fight that stupid system at all.  If you can-LEAVE! Just get out of it all together. Stay off social media if that is where the bullying is taking place, find another school, or home-school. You won’t always be a kid. Eventually you will get stronger.

Ignore Rumors

 “They were saying that they were going spread rumors about her,” Tanya Green said of the messages. Shane Green added the texts “were telling her that she should just kill herself” and that “nobody liked her.”

When you know yourself rumors about you roll off you like water off a duck. Mind you, I’m not talking about “self-esteem.” Every person struggles with that from time to time.  I’m talking about KNOWING WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

For example:

During my junior year of high school a boy who’d changed schools began spreading a rumor that he’d had sex with me. When it first reached my ear I wanted to drive across town and bash his head in, until the friend who’d told me said, “I knew it was a lie when I heard it because I know you.  You know you too, so nothing he says about you should matter.” Pretty profound words for a 16 year old boy. He taught me in that moment that as longs as I knew who I “was” it didn’t matter what others “thought.”

If You Cant Take it Anymore -TELL YOUR PARENTS SO!

According to the article Tanya Green said she “never, never” thought it was possible for her daughter to take her own life. I believe her.  No good parent would leave their child in this situation of they believed it would lead to suicide.  Your parents love you and want the best for you.  They will help you if you help them understand how to help you.  Tell them how you feel and how you want to solve the problem, so they can work with you and advocate for you.


Following Gabbie’s death, two 12-year-old middle school students were charged with cyber stalking and police believe this contributed to her death. Other students who witnessed the cyber bullying could have stepped in and told the bullying students their behavior was wrong.  If you are a student and you see bullying happening stand up and speak out. Let administrators know you won’t tolerate it happening to others.

Teachers, let your students know you won’t tolerate bullying. When I managed programs I let every participant know bullying would not be tolerated. My staff and I worked to ensure that kids who participated in our program felt safe and valued.  If we witnessed bullying we dealt with it immediately.  As a community, we have to let young people know that conflict is a normal part of life, but when conflict occurs routinely as in bullying situations it will not be tolerated.


Bullying is preventable and resolvable, but it takes all of us working together to help ensure that tragedy’s like the one that befell this family never happen again.

Lena Arnold is the author of Jackie’s Way: Jackie’s Terrible Temper.  Return to product information

The book deals with bullying and anger management and offers parents and youth concrete tools to deal with bullying. She has worked with youth for more than 25 years developing programs to help them succeed.  She has a bullying prevention certification, teen date rape certification, and is working towards her prevention certification license. Jackie’s Way can be purchased at Barnes and Nobles, Amazon, or wherever books are sold.

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