Tiny Toilet Stalls and Teachers with Guns

Lena Arnold

4/23/2018

Restrooms--Arvin61r58

Okay, I have put this off for far too long. I can’t hold it any longer. I have to talk about tiny toilet stalls.

So there I was in the middle of Black Panther, when that extra large icee, that I really had no business drinking anyway, finally worked it’s way through me. I tried to hold out until the movie hit a boring spot (it never did) allowing me to feel like I could go without missing something important.

Eventually I had to go, and when I did I remembered another reason why I hate going to theater restrooms. Oh who am I kidding, pretty much ALL public bathrooms-TINY TOILET STALLS!

OMG! Seriously! Who designs these things? I know it’s those tiny little people from that show! They’re trying to get us back for the Barnum and Bailey exploitation. For the record, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even born then. Don’t blame me for what my ancestors did. (Hmm, this sounds familiar.)

But I digress.

Okay, so I’m not fat, but I am a (plus size woman) I put that in parenthesis because I still don’t know who decided that I am plus sized, because when I was growing up I was “big boned.” Which I guess was supposed to be a nice way of saying you ain’t skinny, but you sho’ nuff not fat either. But these bathrooms ain’t made for us big boned girls. They are made for skinny teens, Asians, and garden gnomes; and it’s not fair because us “plus size” American women outnumber them all. In concrete numbers and weight-so why are these bathroom stalls so tiny? ARRRGGGHHHHH!

So I wanna apologize to all the disabled people in advance, ‘cause I’m gonna use your stall. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I’ll try to be fast so I don’t inconvenience you, but you gotta understand, my butt cannot take rubbing up against the toilet paper holder another day; and it is a really icky feeling if your exposed parts accidentally bump into the side of the stall while you are trying to reach for that paper. I mean, I’d like to believe that stall was cleaned before I went to use it, but I know the truth.

So to you bathroom stall designers out there, would you do us a favor and make the stalls just a little bigger. This is a case where less (as in fewer stalls) and bigger is better. If you are thinking about telling me to lose weight so I can navigate these tiny toilets stalls well you shutta you face ‘cause I ain’t fat-I’m just big boned!

Teachers with guns

Now that that is out of the way, lets talk about teachers with guns.

So this Parkland thing got me to thinking. At first I was all for teachers carrying guns. But then I started thinking about some of the teachers I’d had over the years and in hindsight, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. teacher meme

So let me tell you about some of them. I have changed the names to protect their progeny from embarrassment. So once upon a time there was my fifth grade homeroom teacher. He was going through some things as we discovered when he began crying during class and yelling at us because his wife was leaving him and his water heater had busted and left his basement flooded. He banged on students desks, while ranting because someone was talking during his discourse. That dude is a case study for why teachers shouldn’t have guns.

Then there was my sixth grade English teacher who like to torture students by hitting them with wooden spoons or making them stand in corners with their fists in their mouths and one foot in the air if they misbehaved. If their foot touched the floor during their time out-watch out, ‘cause that wooden spoon would be like “WHACK!” I’m not kidding. Parents knew about her and didn’t care either. You know what, she was an awesome English teacher and had very few discipline problems-buuuuuuuuut I still don’t think she should carry a gun in school. Boy can you imagine the tortures she would have thought up if she’d been packin’?

Let’s see, back then just about every principal was a mini dictator. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying these were bad people, but it’s a bit disconcerting to know your principals held contest to see who’s paddle had the potential to cause the most anguish, pain, and suffering to a student. We are talking about people who would put holes in them to make them swing faster. Have them made out of fiberglass, or put nails on one side and hang it on the wall for kids to see. In my day, going to the principals office them was a real threat and truly a thing to be feared. Today’s most feared dictators could learn a thing or two from these guys. Although, some schools might need a principal like this, ‘cause you’re gonna definitely think twice before you cut up in class or bully another student. Nevertheless, at the end of the day I wouldn’t want have wanted those guys carrying guns. They took waaaaaaay too much pleasure out of beating the hell out of kids with those paddles. I don’t even want to think about how they would have been with a gun.

I don’t pretend to have any answers to today’s school violence and I don’t envy the school administrators who have to come up with solutions. Even if they decide to arm teachers. I just hope none of them are like Mr. C., my middle school art teacher who got caught up in a porn scandal on the day his boyfriend left him for his best friends underage daughter.

*This post is not intended to advocate for gun control or to disavow it-to take sides for one, or be against the other. Its just my thoughts about some real teachers I have had and the above stories are only scratching the surface. In general though, I have had some really great teachers and even the best among them have a lot on their plate already without adding security guard to an already full plate? Share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you. I’d like to hear your crazy teacher stories too. I think we could all use a good laugh right about now.

 

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Who is responsible When a Twelve Year Old Commits Suicide from Bullying?

The Headline read, “Parents of 12-year-old who killed herself following alleged bullying want school officials ‘held responsible'”

Upon first reading the headline I thought, “Yeah, they should have done more to protect this girl.  When she is at school it is their responsibility to keep all kids safe right?

But after further reading the story I had to ask myself the following questions.  “Is it really all their fault? You read the story, then come back to this page so we can have an online conversation about what should have happened and who is really responsible.

The parents of a 12-year-old girl who took her own life after they say she was severely bullied by peers, and even adults, at her Florida middle school are calling for school officials to “be held responsible, ultimately, for what they’ve allowed.”-Click her to read full article.

You’re back.  Thanks for returning so let’s talk about what should have happened in this very tragic situation.

WHAT SCHOOLS SHOULD DO

Federal Courts have already ruled that when a child is at school it is the schools responsibility to ensure the safety of that child.  I recall nearly 40 years ago watching an after-school special about a cheerleader who was routinely bullied by the athletes, ultimately culminating in a violent rape of the student while she was participating in school activities.  I can’t remember the name of the movie, so if any of you remember the case or the movie, please post it here.  The parents tried repeatedly to get the school to do something about the problem but they continued to blow off the parents and ignore the problem even to the point of blaming the cheerleader.

The parents sued the school system and the case made it’s way up to the Supreme Court which ruled that it is a schools obligation to protect children when they are on school property and/or participating in school sponsored activities and events. In effect they are to operate under the same reasonable care a parent would.

WHAT PARENTS SHOULD DO

Parents should fight for their children.  A couple of friends of mine have personal experience with this issue.  One friends child was routinely bullied on the bus.  He would come home crying every day about how he was treated.  She tried talking to the bus driver, to the school principal, and the superintendent and nothing was done.

One day she’d had enough and stepped onto the bus and told the bus driver that if her child “comes home one more time crying about some child hitting him upside the head or otherwise physically harming him , then the next time you see me on this bus it will be to kick your ass!”  Then she turned to the students and addressed each bully personally, “When I am done with the bus driver, then I am going to kick your asses! If your parents come after me than I will kick their asses!

Result-Bullying stopped!

Please note: I am neither advocating nor disavowing her methods. What I am saying is that it was her direct involvement in the situation that made a difference.  Those bullies realized he had a protector who was willing to do whatever it took to protect her child so they left him alone.

It’s easy to say kids should stand up for themselves, but some kids are just not made that way. Others like hers have minor disabilities that keep them from being able to stand up for themselves.  Someone has to fight for them.

My other friend who was dealing with his issue also tried in vain to get the schools to help, so she and her husband finally elected to remove him from the situation completely.  They looked into other educational options, eventually choosing homeschooling. He is now a thriving, confident teenager who is on schedule to graduate.

If the issue is causing stress that interferes with school performance, they might also be able to get an Individualized Student Success Plan (This plan may be known by various names depending on your school district.) When a student has a plan, the school must meet all the requirements laid out in that plan for that student to succeed.

Remove your child from the drama.  You are not obligated to send your child to that school.  Your child is not entitled to a cell phone or access to social media. Change schools, change districts, find a private school, or home-school. Ban social media. Take away access. Do what you have to do to protect your child.

Finally, parents who can’t or who don’t feel comfortable exercising those options can force school accountability by filing formal grievances and lawsuits BEFORE something happens to their child.  This sends notice that you are serious and forces the schools hand, because now it’s a district issue.

WHAT INDIVIDUALS CAN DO

Gabbie made the sad decision to end her own life.  Jackie in my book Jackie’s Way: Jackie’s Terrible Temper ;(-Click here to learn more.) elected to talk to her grandfather about what was going on.

 

Find a Place of Refuge

Grandpa offered Jackie some concrete advice that helped her solve her issue. Not only that, he offered a willing hand to help if the situation continued to spiral outside the scope if her control. Grandpa became her place of peace.  You must find yours.
PHOTO: Gabbie Green is seen here in this undated file photo.
Gabbie Green is seen here in this undated file photo.
 Help Others Find a Place of Refuge
When my daughter was much younger we enrolled in a home school co-op run by a group of women who’d started the co-op for their own children. As other children became involved this group of children became increasingly cliquish; excluding others including my daughter from their close knit group.
Since I didn’t care much for the women or their immature kids  I elected not to waste my time enlisting their help in solving the problem.
I gave my daughter the following advice. “The next time you are at class look around the room.  See who else is not fitting in or who is not a part of their clique.  Sit next to them. Talk to them, Engage them. I promise you they are feeling like you and will be happy you reached out to them.  Soon you will find yourself with a group of friends and none of those other people will matter.”
It worked, and it was a lesson she has carried with her to this day.  She never worries about “fitting in” because I taught her how to help other people “fit in” with her. When you find your place of refuge and help others find their place of refuge, then those small minded people no longer matter.

 

Fight For Yourself-Make it clear to all that you will fight for yourself.

According to the article Gabbie was also being bullied by teachers and administrators at her school as well as by students. I know for a fact this happens because it happened to me my first week of high school. For some reason an upper class student singled me out as their victim.  I was attempting to enter the gym for class and she blocked the door and refused to move.  Behind her stood the gym teacher/boys varsity basketball coach and  the Jr. Varsity basketball coach, both egging her stupidity on.

I stood there for a few seconds as she continued to block the door and daring me to move her and finally said calmly, “It seems to me you are feeling froggy today.  Go ahead and leap.”

Both coaches stopped the egging and stood behind her in silent shock. This is not what they were expecting. She noticed it too and stopped talking and just stared at me. Then, I proceeded to walk into the gym, using my arm to gently sweep her to the side as I entered.  To save face she said, “Well I guess I’ll let you in this time.”  I laughed.  I could have said more, but what was the point.  I’d won. I never had another problem from that girl, and I’d won the respect of those immature adults.

It was possible that the girl may have been able to beat the snot out of me, but I had to take the risk. See, she had more to lose if she lost the fight, so taking the risk was worth it because since word spreads quickly in high school, it put everyone on notice that this girl (meaning me) will not allow herself to be a victim.

I recall another girl in high school who was repeatedly bullied and no one bothered to help her.  She got so mad she pulled a butcher knife on her antagonists.

PLEASE NOTE: I not justifying resorting to violence, but I can attest to this, those girls NEVER bothered her again.  Find your way to stand up for yourself or resolve to remove yourself from the situation before it escalates to the place where you feel violence or suicide is the only option. Which leads to the next strategy.

Retreat is not Defeat

Everyone of us is different.  We have varying strengths and weakness which ebb and flow as we age and mature. If you don’t feel you are strong enough right now to fight alone, enlist your parents in the battle and retreat to home school, or another school if you need to while the battle is being waged.  Or don’t bother trying to fight that stupid system at all.  If you can-LEAVE! Just get out of it all together. Stay off social media if that is where the bullying is taking place, find another school, or home-school. You won’t always be a kid. Eventually you will get stronger.

Ignore Rumors

 “They were saying that they were going spread rumors about her,” Tanya Green said of the messages. Shane Green added the texts “were telling her that she should just kill herself” and that “nobody liked her.”

When you know yourself rumors about you roll off you like water off a duck. Mind you, I’m not talking about “self-esteem.” Every person struggles with that from time to time.  I’m talking about KNOWING WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

For example:

During my junior year of high school a boy who’d changed schools began spreading a rumor that he’d had sex with me. When it first reached my ear I wanted to drive across town and bash his head in, until the friend who’d told me said, “I knew it was a lie when I heard it because I know you.  You know you too, so nothing he says about you should matter.” Pretty profound words for a 16 year old boy. He taught me in that moment that as longs as I knew who I “was” it didn’t matter what others “thought.”

If You Cant Take it Anymore -TELL YOUR PARENTS SO!

According to the article Tanya Green said she “never, never” thought it was possible for her daughter to take her own life. I believe her.  No good parent would leave their child in this situation of they believed it would lead to suicide.  Your parents love you and want the best for you.  They will help you if you help them understand how to help you.  Tell them how you feel and how you want to solve the problem, so they can work with you and advocate for you.

WHAT THE COMMUNITY CAN DO

Following Gabbie’s death, two 12-year-old middle school students were charged with cyber stalking and police believe this contributed to her death. Other students who witnessed the cyber bullying could have stepped in and told the bullying students their behavior was wrong.  If you are a student and you see bullying happening stand up and speak out. Let administrators know you won’t tolerate it happening to others.

Teachers, let your students know you won’t tolerate bullying. When I managed programs I let every participant know bullying would not be tolerated. My staff and I worked to ensure that kids who participated in our program felt safe and valued.  If we witnessed bullying we dealt with it immediately.  As a community, we have to let young people know that conflict is a normal part of life, but when conflict occurs routinely as in bullying situations it will not be tolerated.

 

Bullying is preventable and resolvable, but it takes all of us working together to help ensure that tragedy’s like the one that befell this family never happen again.


Lena Arnold is the author of Jackie’s Way: Jackie’s Terrible Temper.  Return to product information

The book deals with bullying and anger management and offers parents and youth concrete tools to deal with bullying. She has worked with youth for more than 25 years developing programs to help them succeed.  She has a bullying prevention certification, teen date rape certification, and is working towards her prevention certification license. Jackie’s Way can be purchased at Barnes and Nobles, Amazon, or wherever books are sold.

Martin’s Quest: A Poetic Tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Excerpted from Scenes from the City: Poetic Pictures of Urban Life

Available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

Martin’s Quest

by Lena Arnold

 

Oh faithful man who would not bow under

the cruel crushing hand of the enemy.

Though long you suffered, still privy to know,

the coming defeat of  his foul cruelty.

 

Feeling deeply within your heart the call

of God’s men who as slaughtered lambs faithful;

did envision the day of Jim Crow’s fall,

urging you to press forward standing tall.

 

Hearing God say, “March on my dear son.”

Hearing God say, “Press on my people.”

 

Halls of Lady Justice echoed loudly,

with the shrill cries of dark earth’s hunted men.

Faces of amoral men look proudly,

disbelieving their cruel reign must now end.

 

The proud though, never give up nor give in.

Against the Divine they fail to desist.

Hatred as their friend—-yielding to its sin.

Evil in their heart—refuse to resist.

 

Did you o’ faithful one envision this;

When on the mountaintop you stood and said,

“Free at last.” True freedom your lips did kiss.

Till they found subtle ways to kill us dead!

 

Even now God is still to us saying.

“March on my dear sons and my dear daughters.

Press on my people. Press on my people.

Click Here to see the video on Daily Motion

Aziz Ansari and the Current Culture of Feminist Shaming: what’s a Guy to do?

by Lena Fields-Arnold

January 15, 2018

By all accounts actor Aziz Ansari did everything the feminist taught him to do.  He responded to a woman who came on to him and sent her home when she said no.  This temptress was weaned on the teats of the feminist agenda of sexual empowerment and suddenly in the wake of the #METOO movement, she now sees herself as the victim.

aziaAre you kidding me?  I don’t know about her, but one of the first dating skills I learned was never go to a man’s house on a date because you put YOURSELF into a compromising position. I learned this lesson the hard way after going on a double date with my best friend. I was sitting on the couch downstairs with my date and she was upstairs with hers.  While my date was very respectful, it appears hers was not as respectful because the next thing I know she was running downstairs yelling, “Let’s go!” My date and I exchanged worried glances as we saw his friend running behind her asking, “What did I do?”

Initially I was terrified because I thought she had been raped and I realized that it was quite possible that we had willingly placed ourselves into a dangerous position by agreeing to go to their apartment.  This was the days before cellphones so that made our decision to enter their ground even more-STUPID!

It turns out that she was not sexually harmed in any way, but rather was adamant that she was not interested in the same thing he was.  She wanted to get to know him intellectually, and he only wanted to get to know her physically. In effect he was being a normal guy.  Was he trying to convince her to change her mind-of course?  Did he force himself upon her? No.  Did she decide no meant no? Yes.  Did she play games with him or allow him to persuade her?  No because she and I had made the decision a long time ago that we would never allow anyone to make us go where we did not want to go.

Once we knew she was okay I turned to my date and said, “You should take us home now.”  Sadly he agreed.  At my door he asked if he could see me again and I said “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  It was too bad because he was a nice guy and I liked him.  He didn’t have to ask why.  He understood his friend had ruined it for the both of them.

Did we cry, “Foul!” afterwards?  Did we go around putting these guys on blast and try to ruin their lives and label them as sexual predators. No, because they weren’t horrible creatures and we weren’t victims.

So now back to Ansari who is in the unfortunate position of having to respond to an allegation of sexual assault by a woman he went out on a date with in the fall of 2017. By all accounts whatever happened was consensual except for the fact that afterwards she claims to -not be okay, alleging she felt “pressured” by Ansari to have intercourse, (which they didn’t-because apparently he does understand that no means no), and to perform oral sex, (which she did-probably because why? I don’t know-because maybe she doesn’t understand that no means no”).

According to the article in Babe this anonymous woman who doesn’t even have the courage to use her real name, used verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate she was “distressed.” and  “I cried the whole ride home.” (After Ansari called for a ride to take her home.)  “At that point I felt violated,” she said.  Note: She only felt violated AFTER he called for the ride.

So let’s translate her statement into a language everyone can easily understand.

I cried the whole way home after I acted like a whore and then got treated like one.  I felt violated because as I was on the drive of shame home I realized my fantasy of having a real relationship with Ansari was not going to come to pass.  Now I am too embarrassed to admit the truth so now that I have the power of the #METOO Movement I will pay him back for making me feel like a slut.

“It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award,” she said. “And absolutely cringe worthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up* pin. I think that started a new fire, and it kind of made it more real.”

You know what’s painful, you wanting me to feel sorry for you.  My best friend and I were still in our late teens when she came running down those stairs.  You want me to believe that you-a grown woman, don’t know how to tell a man no?  Yeah, I’m not buying it.

I will admit, it’s painful for me to know he wears that pin as well, but for different reasons.  I’m sad he’s supporting a movement designed to emasculate him and all men.  A movement whose very nature is to deprive them of their strength and  vigor; to spiritually weaken them and socially and publicly  castrate them.

Feminist author Jessica Valenti tweeted: “A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers ‘normal’ sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful.”

Bullcrap!  You can’t have it both ways.  On the one had you want men to respect you and that these “normal” encounters are not working for you, yet you constantly support ideas, shows, music, and media promoting a reshaping of cultural norms where women are free to flaunt their sexuality more often than not being the aggressors.  Further, you fail to support men in those instances where they are actually the victim.

I am more inclined to agree with Caitlyn Flanagan, who wrote in the Atlantic that Ansari is being “professionally assassinated on the basis of “one woman’s anonymous account.” Nothing was stopping this grown ass woman from leaving his premises and calling her own cab.  C’mon, she even let him pay for the ride!

Molly Roberts in her op ed for the Post Partisan writes, “We know how it happens. A man wants sex after an evening out, and a woman feels obligated to comply…” Obligated?  I thought we were talking about grown women here?  Did he buy her a Lamborghini?  She continues, “…Even when she’s not enjoying herself, she thinks she should be, and she tries hard to convince herself nothing is wrong until — maybe that night, maybe the next morning — it becomes too clear to ignore.

Seriously, it is really time out for this bull.  Women today are on the police force, in the militarily, they carry guns, jump out of planes, scale buildings, build bridges, lift weights, play professional sports, wrestle alligators, take martial arts and do a whole lot of things my grandmothers woman never did and you are trying to tell me she is still so weak that she can’t resist a man’s pressure to have sex? Maybe the problem is her, not him?

Roberts ends her article by posing the question of whether or not Ansari deserves the shaming and if his shaming should even be the central focus in a broken system.

I’ll end my post by answering Roberts’s question. No, Ansari does not deserve this. Stop being mad at men for being men; we all know they are going to try.  It has always been our job to determine how far they are allowed to go. Ansari did what he was taught by women to do-respect their boundaries.  She said no to one thing and yes to other things.  By all accounts he did not force himself upon her nor did anything she didn’t want to do.  What’s he supposed to do about her regrets? In a criminal case he would have the right to face his accusers.  How is he supposed to defend himself in the court of public opinion?

As women of the 21rst century who want to be respected and taken seriously we must first start by stopping playing the victim when no crime has taken place.  The stakes are too great and the potential consequences of crying wolf are too high. Everyday there are women who really are being victimized, raped, and abused and who have the courage to file criminal charges when necessary. Claims like these by “anonymous” victims make it harder for women who need our sympathy to get the justice they deserve. That’s what makes me sad.

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Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Time’s Up is a campaign by women in entertainment to heighten awareness of gender inequality issues and curtail sexual harassment across industries.

 

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

By Lena Fields-Arnold

1/8/2016

trans prisonerDeon Hampton is a 26-year-old MAN i.e.-transgender woman serving a 10-year sentence in for burglary.  According to Michael Tarm, writer for the Associated Press Hampton is seeking a rarely granted transfer to a female prison where “she” says she’ll be less vulnerable to the kinds of sexual assault, taunting and beatings she’s been subjected to in male prisons.

My question is, how safe will the women be on the prison he wants to transfer to?  In a previous posting on my blog I wrote about the MMA fighter who routinely beat her female opponents, nearly killing one before revealing a sex change operation. This operation apparently didn’t change the physical structure that allowed her to pummel her opponents.

Hampton’s lawsuit alleges that he is singled out for the taunting because he is transgendered.  I do not advocate violence and brutality on any inmate, but I do wonder, “how do prisoners prove they are being singled out specifically for this reason?

In prison, weaker prisoners are routinely singled out for harsh treatment.  What makes Mr. Hampton any different from them?  Where can they go to be safe?  Or perhaps this is Mr. Hampton’s plan to avoid any harsh treatment altogether?

In a South Park episode Cartman played such a game so he could use the girl’s restroom. He quickly realized that he could manipulate the system and get his own bathroom simply by claiming to be transgendered.  He carried out this plan even to the detriment of the system and his classmates.

What’s sad to me is that this case even got a hearing, when there are many more important things our tax dollars could be spent on. Don’t misunderstand me, if his claims of abuse are true then let’s deal with the issue from that frame of reference not adding, according to his lawyers, that Hampton is, “Unable to comfortably represent herself as female in the male prison — where she can’t wear her hair or nails long — has also been devastating psychologically,” and that he feels inhuman as a result of this inability.  REALLY!  Should I feel inhuman because I can’t grow my hair long or afford to get my nails done on a regular basis?  Sorry dude, any sympathy I might have felt for you was unceremoniously tossed out the window.

While there is some data to support those transgender inmates are at greater risk, but that data is minuscule when compared with the total number of prisoners in the system.  Besides, why should taxpayers pay for Hampton’s personal issues?  If I want my boobs removed (and I don’t by the way), no one’s going to pay for that!  My idiot neighbor makes me “feel uncomfortable.” Can I ask the government to buy me a new house and move me?

So Mr. Hampton, you want to be a woman.  That’s your business.  Might I recommend that you finish your sentence, get a job, and pay for your own breasts? Pay for your own estrogen treatments, and your own penis removal?  See because that part of the equation is a choice. Even if you believe that people are born gay and can’t control their attraction to the opposite sex, it is a far more difficult argument to claim that people are born in the wrong bodies.

There is a scripture that states that in the mouth of two or more witnesses let a thing be established. You don’t have to believe in the Bible for this to be a good point of reference. Stay with me people. Don’t let a little scripture reference run you off. If I’d quoted Gandhi you’d still be here so don’t leave me now.

This first witness was given to be by a 7th grader:

  1. Visual Inspection

Remove your clothes and stand in front of the mirror.  If you have breast (no matter how small), and a vagina the probability that you are female is 99.99 %.

If you do not have breast or maybe some fatty tissue that look like breast and a penis (no matter how small) the probability that you are male is 99.99%.

  1. Medical Evaluation

Get a comprehensive medical exam that includes full cavity exploration.  If the doctor’s hand can go up and inside you from the front and back, the probability that you are female is 99.99 %. To ensure accuracy have an x-ray or an MRI.  If the technician sees a uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes-then Houston I think we have a FEMALE.

  1. Scientific Study

While at the doctors, give up some blood and have it tested for the presence of estrogen and/or testosterone. If the results show a preponderance of estrogen then you are probably a girl. If the results show a preponderance of testosterone then you are probably a boy.

  1. Biological Comparison

In biology we learned that the X and Y chromosomes determine a person’s sex. Most women are XX and most men are XY. Occasionally an individual will be born with a single sex chromosome or even multiple sex chromosomes.  In these rare cases doctors will look at all the above factors to help determine a person’s actual gender, and in most cases discover these abnormalities prior to birth or shortly thereafter.  For more information visit the World Health Organization’s website, ask your science teacher, or physician.

I’m not trying to be insensitive, because for those rare cases this can be a heart wrenching issue in which they had no choice. But let’s face it, for the majority of people claiming transgendered this is not a scientific issue, but rather a psychological one.  Something, somewhere, along the course of life happened that altered the way they think about themselves.  You know how I know, because they talk too much about their “feelings” and how other people are making them “feel” because of how they “feel.” Maybe if you didn’t talk so much about being transgendered no one would even know you were.

The article goes on to state that, “While prison officials do have the option of assigning such male-to-female transgender inmates to women’s prisons — it happens infrequently.”  That’s probably because prison officials have a lot more pressing problems on their plate worrying about the 99.99% of prisoners who are not transgendered.

So this is probably a good lesson for those who may be struggling with this issue-don’t commit crimes that will land you in the prison system.  It is unfair to expect the rest of the world to accommodate Hampton because he chose to have his procedure interrupted by committing a punishable offense that subsequently landed him in prison. Even if he claims to have had no choice in his gender he cannot argue that he didn’t have a choice in whether to commit a legally punishable crime.

So now like all the rest of the prisoners Hampton must press pause on his personal life, and he wants to rest of us to feel bad about it.  Sorry dude no can do. See because here’s the thing it doesn’t matter what you “feel” like.  Being a male or female is not a feeling-IT JUST IS!

Some days I feel like a lazy slug.  But that don’t make me a slug.  Some days I feel like the most beautiful female on the planet-but that don’t make me a supermodel. However if I want to have surgery and implants to make me feel like the inner supermodel I know I am, I don’t expect my country to pay for it. Although that would be cool and I would so take advantage of that!

However in all seriousness, for the extremely small percentage of people for whom life is not so simple; who really do have biological and/or medical issues relative to gender identity, it is wrong to exploit this matter and make things more difficult for those who really do deserve our sympathy. If Hampton really wanted to promote the cause for those struggling with transgender issues he would buck up, stand up straight (no pun intended) and advocate for the cause in a more meaningful way-one that does not further fuel divisiveness.

Related Articles:

http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/09/walt-heyer-proves-sex-change-regret-real-thats-trans-lobby-hates/

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Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Baby It’s Cold Outside: The Original Date Rape Song

Every holiday season the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is one of the most popular songs played. AND IT IS PLAYED EVERYWHERE. On the radio, in stores, restaurants, and even church Christmas parties. But in light of all the recent allegations of men sexually harassing and abusing women; as well as the revival of the “Me Too” Campaign, I had to ask myself why?

Am I the only one who has ever listened to this song and thought, “Seriously, this is a straight up date rape song!”

Think about it, this chick is telling this man over and over no! Where are the No means no feminnazi’s, (oops I mean feminist) sticking up for this woman? How many times and ways can you say no before it gets in his head?

Okay, so I get it.  It was 1944.  Men could get away with putting date rape drugs in a woman’s drink and charming his way into a woman’s drawers while she’s inebriated, write a song about doing, and get paid a lot of money.  But it’s 2017. C’MON!”

I like the way writer J.C. Bourque puts it.

I was just starting to read when the first words of that disgusting celebration of date rape seared my sensibilities: ‘I really can’t stay (but baby, it’s cold outside).
I was deep into a review copy of the forthcoming book “How to Ruin Everything: The Ultimate Guide to Political Correctness, Virtue Signaling and Victimization,” when The Song came up on my Amazon Echo. “Alexa,” I screamed, “turn off that misogynistic piece of patriarchal, rape-baiting trash immediately!”

….huh, what’s that?  Uh huh…so you are telling me that there are a lot of misogynistic songs like this still played on the radio and purchased by women?

Shoot, you right. You right! But aren’t those STUPID women, who hopefully don’t know any better?  This doggone song is sung by, played by, and purchased by grown women and men who should know better.  This stupid song has become a dang on holiday icon.  A Christmas staple if you will.  I just want to know how it happened.  Take a look at the lyrics for yourself below if you don’t believe me.

Lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”written

by Frank Loesser 1944

She-I really can’t stay –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
She-I’ve got to go away –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
she-This evening has been –

Him-Been hoping that you’d drop in
she-So very nice –

Him-I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

she-My mother will start to worry –

him-Beautiful, what’s your hurry?
she-Father will be pacing the floor

him– Listen to the fireplace roar
she-So really I’d better scurry –

him-Beautiful, please don’t hurry
she-Maybe just a half a drink more –

him-Put some records on while I pour

she-The neighbors might think –

he-Baby, it’s bad out there
sheSay, what’s in this drink?

he-No cabs to be had out there
sheI wish I knew how

he-Your eyes are like starlight now
sheTo break this spell

he-I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell

sheI ought to say no, no, no

he-Mind if I move in closer?

IMG_3388hey fella no means no

IMAGE and link to a really good post by Four Eyes Rella http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html
sheAt least I’m gonna say that I tried

he-What’s the sense in hurting my pride?
sheI really can’t stay

he-Baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside

she-I’ve got to get home –

he-Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
she-Say, lend me your coat –

he-It’s up to your knees out there
she-You’ve really been grand –

he-Thrill when you touch my hand
she-Why don’t you see –

he-How can you do this thing to me?

she-There’s bound to be talk tomorrow –

he-Think of my life long sorrow
she-At least there will be plenty implied –

he-If you caught pneumonia and died
she-I really can’t stay –

he-oh baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

See.  Told you.

dean martin

“Here’s a little secret we have to say out loud: Women love the sexual interplay they experience with men, and they relish men desiring their beauty.”- (Click Here to read full article.)

Or maybe we can blame Dean Martin, who after all personifies the very image of that foreplay. Dang on it Dean, why did you have to go and be so doggone cool?  By the way, you were Dean Martin for goodness sake-women would have sex with you while they were sober.

For the rest of us it’s time to give this song the cold shoulder.

Finally, since the whole purpose of my blog is to tie everything back to leadership let me just say this. Real leaders don’t deliberately slip people drugs and take advantage of them while they are high or drunk-and we sure as hell don’t sing about doing it either.


 

Sources:

Bourque, J.C., It May Be Cold Outside, But It’s Sure Hot In Here,  2017 Retrieved fromhttp://thefederalist.com/2017/12/22/may-cold-outside-sure-hot/

Loesser, Frank, “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” 1944

McAllister, D.C. “Can We Be Honest About Women” The Federalist, 2017 retrieved from http://thefederalist.com/2017/12/12/can-honest-women/

Noverella, “Baby It’s Cold Outside (and Rapey) Inside, 2010, retrieved from http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html

The articles and writers I cited above are really good and I encourage you to read them.

 

I Dreamed of Being White

by Lena Arnold

Last night I had a dream.

i have a dreamIt was nothing like Martin Luther King’s Dream.  Mine was more rooted in today’s current reality.  See because last night I dreamed I was white.  In this dream my family and I drove to the park via a rural township and we weren’t almost run off the road because the person driving in the truck with the giant tires and confederate flag noticed brown arms in the window.

In my dream I walked through life never being called a nigger.  My children were never called spic, wetback, or sand nigger because people couldn’t figure out their nationality so they just called them whatever they thought they were.

We were never told to “Go back to Africa, or Puerto Rico” or debated against when we tried to say “We’ve never been to Africa and we aren’t from Puerto Rico, but even if we were, why should it matter since your ancestors came here from someplace else and Puerto Rico is a US Colony.”  But in my dream I never had to argue against stupidity.

In my dream I never had to explain to my Darwinist believing friends that Darwinism by its very nature of being an “ism” is divisive and more importantly it is a pillar of racism because it supports the erroneous notion that man evolves to a higher order of man and at the top of this evolutionist food chain is the white male.  In my dream I was okay with that because I was now the one living at the top of this chain and as such I never had to:

  1. Fear being lost in a rural area and not breathing a sigh of relief until I saw at least one living face who looked like mine…
  2. Worry that in the blink of an eye my world could be turned upside down by one person saying, “I just saw a black guy with a gun…”
  3. Live with the constant uneasiness of sending my sons off to college wondering if they will make it back home alive…
  4. Struggle with the automatic anxiety that kicks in whenever a police car is behind me, wondering if I will be pulled over, and if I am, will this be the time…
  5. Panic and run when a police officer says “Stop” because the fight or flight mechanism has been encoded into my DNA from slavery, the Jim Crow era, and institutional racism…
  6. Be apprehensive about taking the medicine my white physician has just prescribed because of the routine practice of experimenting on my ancestors both recent and long ago…
  7. Watch the news BOLO bulletins and say, “please don’t be black, please don’t be black.”
  8. Wonder why the KKK is not labeled a terrorist organization and allowed to exist on American soil.

This dream was so liberating because in it I never had to check a box asking my race or ethnicity and when I did I could check white and I always got called in for the interview and even if I didn’t get the job I never had to wonder if it was because I was black.  My family could go on vacation and not be stared at like Zoo animals, with people thinking in their heads “An intact black family! OMG They do exist!”

In my dream OJ was guilty! Emphatically and automatically! G-U-I-L-T-Y!

This was not Martin’s dream and in it I did not care if little white boys and girls could play with little black boys and girls could play together. The mountaintop was all mine and I did not have to care whether or not other people made it up there with me.  I could say and believe that in America anyone could make it if they just “pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps,” and I didn’t have to care whether or not they even actually had boots.

I had the luxury of saying things like,

“Most people are not racist and I’m tired of hearing about it!”

“All lives matter!”

“What are these people angry about? That cop was afraid for his life even if the guy was running away, his back turned, and he had no weapon.”

“Well, black people kill more of each other than cops do.”

“I’m not racist.  I didn’t own a slave.  Why are you looking at me like it’s my fault?”

“My (one) black friend agrees with me and they said…”

silentOh to be able to ignore institutionalized racism and all its myriad complexities! (Contented Sigh!)

In my dream I could go anywhere and breathe free.  Walk where I wanted without fear of reprisal.  I could dream big! No matter how mediocre or evil I was I could be PRESIDENT!

Then I woke up!

Then I cried!

Then I rejoiced!

I rejoiced because God reminded me that I am not an accident.   My family and I are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image despite what some small minds think.  I was reminded that I am a member of a CHOSEN GENERATION, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, and A HOLY NATION.

God reminded me that evil does not escape His eye and He will punish evil and reward righteousness.  In the end, the only question that really remains is whether or not the non-oppressed parties will remain silent, or will they stand up for righteousness and fulfill Martin’s dream, for despite my dream, his really is the one ordained by God.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Star Wars Day!

wallup.netToday is Star Wars Day.

Yes, by the very fact that I am writing this post I confirm I am a Star Wars Geek.

I own that.  I’m cool with it.

Initially I thought I was the only one, but over the years it has been confirmed-I am not alone.

I will never forget the first time I saw the movie.  Mind you, at 11 years old, I’d been to movies before, but this was different. This was magical! Majestic! Grand!

It was the first film to make me feel like I was there. I still get goosebumps thinking about those words scrolling up the screen into the black void, then seeing that starship creeping across the sky like it was right above me. It wasn’t 3D but it felt like it!

So in honor of Star Wars Day I want to acknowledge some of the coolest things I loved about Star Wars.

star wars

Awesome Intro’s-in bringing back the 21rst Century intro just before John Williams musical intro was BRILLIANT and totally set the stage for what was coming next.

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far, Away-Move over tired fairy tale story introductions, you are played out.  When those words came on the screen George Lucas effectively dropped the mic when it came to setting the stage for the story to come.

Giant Words Scrolling Up  A Screen-Seriously, who would have ever thought that could be so exciting.  It’s a good thing most kids had 3rd grade reading skills back then, or you would have been messed up.  Sure words scrolling on a screen had been done before-BUT NOT LIKE THAT.

2nd mic drop in less than a minute.

BAM!

landoLando Calrissian-As if the original cast of characters wasn’t enough, they had to go and cast one of the coolest black men to ever grace the screen and effectively make him the black version of Han Solo!  Do you understand how amazing that moment was for every black female on the planet?  I promise you, if I was the only black Star Wars fan before the Empire Strikes Back movie (and trust me I wasn’t) I knew I was no longer alone.  This was confirmed when my cousin and I went to see the movie THREE TIMES IN A ROW! FYI, I have since seen it several more times alone, with my BFF, hubby, kids, dog…You get the picture. It is rumored that Donald Glover is to play him in a standalone film. If so-WHAT!  Who the heck decided that? Certainly, no one asked me, my cousin, my BFF, or any other black woman on the planet.  Donald, you are a good actor and I like you, but no offense, you are no Billy Dee Williams.

A Bad Ass Space Princess in the form of Leia Organa.  Disney didn’t want to make a princess doll of you because you didn’t fit their image.  BOO Disney! Forget those other wimpy, whiny damsels in distress with their dainty skin and perfect hair. Give me that blaster shooting, smart mouthed, bad hair day having, tough cookie, who wasn’t afraid to get dirty and still get her man princess any day.  That’s a princess I can identify with.

Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Darth Vader-Get an A+ for having three of the eight coolest names in movie Dom-EVER!  If there were an academy award for coolest names in a movie these would definitely be nominated for best names possibly only losing to Indiana Jones, James Bond, Hannibal Lector, Lex Luthor, or Keyser Söze. Hmm, I just noticed four of my top eight are bad guys.  Bad guys have some cool names.

Characters, Plot, Visual Imagery, and Family Friendly-Star Wars has it all! I like the fact that the franchise has stayed true to being a movie the whole family can enjoy.  It is great to know that to this day I can take my kids to any Star Wars movie and don’t have to yell-CLOSE YOUR EYES QUICKLY.  Just wish I could say the same about those annoying previews.

A Hairy Walking Giant Dog-who can fly a spaceship, fight, shoot, and have people understand his grunts and gestures.  Hey, I’d be happy if my dog would just stay when I say stay!

Okay, I am going to stop right now because I could write all day about what makes Star Wars and all the subsequent movies AWESOME, but I will give other fan-atics a chance.  I’m sure they are all blogging their favorite memories as well.

So here’s to you George Lucas! Thank you for not giving up on your dream of bringing Star Wars to the big screen.  You brought excitement to the screen in a way no one had ever done before and I, along with millions of others appreciate that.  Thank you 21rst Century Fox.  Because of Star Wars we will forgive you for also owning Fox News. Thank you to the cast and crew of Star Wars, even to those of you who thought it was going to be a stupid, trite piece of celluloid because in spite of your feelings, you performed splendidly, a testament to your never ending professionalism.

Finally, thank you to all the fans-who keep the spirit of Star Wars alive allowing new generations to enjoy the A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far, Away.

Leadership Lessons I Learned from Princess Leia and Tanka Challenge

Transgender Boys Wins Texas State Title: the Right and Wrong of It

“Mack Beggs identifies as a boy, but his birth certificate says he’s a girl. In Texas’ University Interscholastic League, that means that the high school wrestler can only compete against girls, even though he takes testosterone as part of his transition.”-Chuck Schilken, Contact Reporter, Los Angeles Times

The article further states that Mack won the state title with a 56-0 record for the year.  Some of the wins by forfeit because some competitors refused to wrestle against her; not because she identifies as a boy, but because she takes testosterone supplements which they feel give her an unfair advantage because as the physician quoted in the article stated the treatments “are in the same family and have the effect of increasing muscle mass and strength gains.” (Mines 2017)

In light of MMA fighter Fallon Fox routinely crushing her opponents before revealing a sex change operation, and giving one of her opponents a concussion and a broken eye socket; their fears may not be unfounded.

Here is where the league/district got it wrong.

In an effort to be fair to one student, they were unfair to the rest of the students. The article states that Mack’s use of testosterone were “well below the allowed level,” according to the Washington Post. Did the other students competing against Mack know there was an “allowable level” and were they given the opportunity to take that “allowable level” if they so desired?  Is the district opening themselves up to reverse discrimination lawsuits as a result?

According to the article the reason Mack did not compete against the boys was because the rules expressly state that one must compete according to the gender listed on their birth certificate.

Here is where the district league got it right.

To eliminate all the confusion over gender issues they keep things simple.  If your birth certificate says boy.  Then you compete with the boys.  If it says girl, then you compete as a girl.  I don’t know much about how that all works once the change is complete, but I believe once a complete sex change has taken place, meaning all subsequent operations have been performed, then the person undergoing the procedure can legally have their name and gender changed.  If you want to certify this, I suggest you consult with an attorney or conduct further research on your own.

School officials have it tough today.  The rules were simple 50, 30, even 20 years ago. Not so today. Therefore we should have some compassion for the people who have to sort through all this stuff and make decisions on complex issues.  Sometimes the best way to do that is to keep it simple.

Here’s where the parents got it wrong

I wonder about the wisdom of allowing any young person under the age of 21 making  major, life altering decisions at critical junctures of human development such as adolescence. I don’t know the personal details of this family, but I hope that counseling and mental health services are being taken advantage of to ensure that this is the best option for this young person.  There is and will always be debate on whether or not LBGT’s are born that way or made as a result of some life altering occurrence, but no one can argue that the decision to become transgendered in preparation for a complete sex change is not something to be taken lightly, and I’m not comfortable with allowing a young person under the age of 18 to begin this process. We have laws designed to prevent young people from underage drinking that were set up to protect them from becoming alcoholics.  Why do we not do the same for life altering procedures?

Here is where the parents got it right

Parenting is a tough job.  Sure books on parenting abound, but there is no book to teach you how to raise YOUR child.  I may not agree with how these parents are handling this situation, but I applaud them for trying to be supportive of something they may find frightening and difficult to understand.  These are uncharted waters for them as well so it may be they have no clue what to do or how to handle it.  I know what I think I would do, but then, it’s not my child. Obviously these parents love their child unconditionally and in a world that won’t, isn’t that one of the most fundamental jobs of parents?

Here’s where the crowd got it wrong

You don’t boo young people. Unless the person is exhibiting crass behavior, acting a complete fool, or being totally disrespectful, adults should not be booing young people who have achieved a well earned victory.  We may not like how Mack won, but by all accounts this young person attempted to follow the rules set by the adults.  Now that the adults see the outcome, they should set about working together to make the future fair for everyone. Some are attempting to do that with a lawsuit that states she should either be able to compete against the boys or “prevent him from taking part the girls’ postseason competition…“I don’t know if that is the proper solution.  By forcing her to compete against the boys I wonder what Pandora’s box will be opened as a result.  We have already witnessed the potential for carnage of allowing a former male to compete against females in the MMA. Neither do I think a person who works hard should be denied their right to compete.  Might a better option be to prohibit the use of the testosterone during the sports season?

As a person of color, I have experienced first hand the inequities of sports.  Our sports teams were routinely cheated against by unfair, corrupt, and racist officials and we were hurt and angered by the injustice.  Our coaches taught us to work harder and pushed us further because they knew the only way we could beat that unjust system was to be better.  As a result, our teams won back to back state titles in basketball and football; and were consistently  ranked amongst the top in our league.

For those female competitors this unfair competition sucks!  I get that. I’ve lived it. I encourage you to work harder.  Find your advantage and overcome this obstacle.  To Mack, growing up is tough.  There isn’t  person on the planet who hasn’t struggled in some way with finding their personal identity.  I pray that God will guide you to His place of peace.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but here’s what I know.

God desires to walk with us during our struggles.  If we allow God to be the center of our universe, He will guide us through every problem we face. Whether it is gender identity, or unfair competition we should seek the face of the one who made us and ask Him to help us, to guide us and our decisions, and help us to make sense of a world that sometimes seems to make no sense.