Figure it Out by Lena Fields-Arnold

i'm gonna be honest if you have treated me badly

Relationships are a natural part of life.  As humans we are built for them.  Sometimes however  they go off center.  Many times for reasons unknown and not even because we have done anything other than be ourselves.  It hurts when you give friendships, and relationships your all only to be bitten.  Most of the time we work hard to reconcile them.  To find some meaning behind the sting.

But, do we ask the bee why it stung us?  Do we question the wasps?  Do we interrogate the adders?

So this piece was written after being unexpectedly stung by someone I thought was a friend.  Being so blindsided it made me wonder, “Is this person really my friend, or is this a one sided relationship?”  I had a decision to make.  Try to find out why the person stung me and try to repair the breach.  OR-put salve on the injury and stay away from the bee.  What are your thoughts?

The Good Father Video Tribute to Dads

The Good Father Video Promo
Click here to view “The Good Father”

The Good Father-A Poetic Tribute to Men by Lena Arnold

Published by Emperor Publishing LLC
The Good Father by author Lena Fields-Arnold, is a tribute to all those dads out there doing the right thing. Being men, being responsible, and caring for their children. Everyday is FATHER’S DAY for the good dad, so email this to the Good Father’s in your life.

Listen to The Good Father at Reverbnation.  To purchase the book, In The Absence of My Father visit Amazon.com

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Why Every Professional Needs a Personal Image Consultant?-Part 2

by Guest Blogger

Jenny Dewberry, Founder and CEO

People Power Consultancy Group

Image Consulting is now for men and women; we are long past the time when only athletes, politicians and Hollywood celebrities sought out the service of an image professional.

what's your style_

Today, anyone can employ an image consultant to assist them in improving their personal, professional style and brand. One might ask” why do I need an image consultant”?

There are many answers to that question; but only one answer that is top of mind for the professional- to develop your professional presence.

Did you know that 7 out of 10 Americans feel that Appearance is important” in terms of happiness, social life and the ability to get ahead”?  Additionally, studies show that people who are perceived to be more attractive get better jobs, promotions, are better received by others, and are considered more successful. The term attractive, in this instance is not referencing adornments alone; Image goes far beyond one’s style of dress, which is why if your desire is to advance in your career or be taken more seriously as a leader; you need an image consultant.

According to Brian Tracy, Author of Psychology of Advancement, “many capable men and women are disqualified from job opportunities because they simply don’t look the part”. Your appearance strongly influences other people’s perception of your

  1. Authority
  2. Trustworthiness
  3. Intelligence
  4. Suitability for hire, or promotion

Why is there a need for an image consultant?

This is a great question, but almost rhetorical. Sometimes I feel like I’m preaching to the choir but, in any given workplace today, there are people who show up as less than their best. For some it is mindset, for others, it is lack of knowledge. At any rate, the need is real.  We are confused as a society of what is and is not for specific office cultures. Dressing up for work, maintaining a polished pristine image has become a classical lost art- this is in part due to both generational and value shifts.

At the same time, the world of work has changed. Today, employees can work from home- which naturally changes he effort and often lack thereof that goes into polishing your image. Millennial’s and Generation Z, right, or wrong, have a different mindset as to what is right, or wrong. There is an emphasis on self-expression understandably and, learning the intersectionality between who I am, and the company culture is critical. To success.

Why Hire an Image Consultant?

I have assisted many men and women who just do not know what to wear; how to create a professional look while staying true to their personal style. I say; Getting ready for work should not feel like a chore. An image consultant will teach you how to create an effortless wardrobe that will ensure an effortless morning, giving you back the gift of time. We are experts in developing wardrobe essentials that will give the client a polished well- maintained appearance daily. We teach you the essentials of dressing for your role and show you how to make a positive impact on your employer, or your staff, which can set you apart from others and place you first in line for a promotion, to represent your company, or lead certain First impressions are vital! If we do not properly represent who we say we are from the onset, we have instantly disqualified ourselves, and will probably never get an opportunity to get past the initial introduction. No one will want to listen to you, give you their business, or hire you, if you have not put effort in the effort to show up as your best self. So, if you are-

  • You may be at a pivotal point in your career
  • You may desire to project a more professional image adapted to your industry
  • You are newly entering the job market and need guidance

Developing your professional presence and Brand is critical to your success. This will show you as a credible, competent asset to your company, as well as set you apart from others.—Jenny Dewberry

If you wish to develop your image, image consultants are experts in identifying areas of lack, and finding the best way to overcome those issues on an individualized basis.There are array of services that image consultants provide and in most instance more than one service will be needed.

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At People Power Consultancy Group, we work with professionals to improve your professional or updated appearance. We help our clients to make changes to their looks, communications, and behavior. After your session with an Image Consultant, you will have the necessary tools to elevate your overall image. We are here to assist you in becoming the best version of yourself.

If you Commit to working with a professional image consultant, you are saying, yes to a more pristine image, a promising career, better work relationships, confidence and a greater sense of empowerment.

Having a well -polished appearance creates credibility, trust and will have others view you as the professional and intricate part of any team. This process begins with knowing how to dress for your body type. As we all know, every- body made is different, therefore it is critical to know what style of dress, what textile, patterns, or fabrics will best compliment your body shape; helping you successfully create the professional look you desire.

As we move beyond the “first impression” an image consultant will work with the professional man, or woman on improving their behavior and communication skills. Dressing for success means conducting ourselves in a professional and positive manner.

It seems that professional etiquette has gone away however, it is one of the most desired attribute employers are seeking in employees and candidates. Image consultants know what employers are looking for and can coach their clients in identifying and enhancing those qualities in which they already possess and cultivate them into leadership skills.

If, you wish to evolve both personally and, more so professionally, an Image Consultant is the expert to assist you in achieving the growth that you desire.

As mentioned above, there is endless reward in investing in yourself. Such as:

  • Heightened clarity
  • Proper business etiquette skills
  • Improved credibility
  • A personal brand that will set you apart from your competitors
  • An overall poised image.

As we know, you never get a second chance to make a great first impression; why not do it right the first time!

To learn more about Jenny Dewberry and People Power Consultancy Group visit: peoplepowerconsultancygroup.com or call 1-800-970-9375

Why Every Professional Needs A Personal Image Consultant-Part 1

By Lena Fields-Arnold

I will never forget that moment. Searching through my closet for the right articles of clothing to wear to an upcoming interview.  I as preparing to return to the workforce after a nearly ten-year hiatus to raise a family.  Although I owned my own publishing company and had published several books during that time out of the workforce, I never had to think much about my looks.

However, in that moment, searching through that closet, I was in crisis.  I’d tried on everything.  Nothing looked right on my new mom body.  Accustomed to being “hot,” I refused to resign myself to looking dumpy.

Sure, my once firm stomach now more closely resembled the pillow I slept on each night, my thighs had moved more into the thunderous range, and my hourglass waist, looked more like an alarm clock, but that did not mean I had consign my life to “moo moo” dresses.

When I was young, it was much easier to look good.  I had a nice shape.  Pretty much anything I wore looked good on me.

Things had changed, and I had no idea how to clothe this new body for the professional world. While I enjoy shopping (to a point), shopping for clothes was time consuming and frustrating

But I had a friend, who loved shopping, was sharp as a tack, and enjoyed the process.  More importantly she has a sense of style, can dress anyone according to their body, and a hunter’s nose for bargains. I hired her to shop with me.  The mission was simple:

  • Find clothes that look good on me
    • They accentuate the positives
    • Reduce the negatives
  • Find clothes to fit my budget
    • Make me look like I spent a lot of money-but didn’t

In short, teach me how to shop like you.

This was before the host of “What Not to Wear” aired their first show.  (Although I have since then learned even more from watching the show. I love that show!!!)

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Angie (My friend and personal stylist) taught me how to create a “boss” image.  I mean, she put things together I would never have thought about-mixing styles and color like a fashion Rembrandt.

According to Corporate Classic Inc. (corporateclassicinc.com) there are five primary reasons every professional needs and image consultant:

lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com fashion

Five Reasons Why You Need an Image Consultant

  1. A need for new workplace attire that is appropriate

This is especially important if you plan on climbing the corporate ladder.  How you dress, how you carry yourself, how you talk-all speak to what people will think about you.  How you dress can literally determine whether people will take you seriously. It can cost you a job or promotion.

  1. My clothes don’t seem to fit right.

Fashion and image consultants are an “outside voice” helping you find what is flattering to your body. They can coordinate looks, and help you find a style that is all your own and right for you.

One of the things I love about the show “The Big bang Theory” is that each character has their own look and the clothes reflect each person’s unique character.

  1. Clashing Colors

Have you ever seen someone waear a certain color and thought “What were they thinking?”  Well and image consultant can help you find the colors that work best for your unique skin tone.

  1. Hair and Make-Up

“Did you know that wearing makeup could make you appear more competent? According to a Proctor & Gamble study, makeup increases perceptions of a woman’s likability, competence and trustworthiness in the workplace. Of course, too much makeup can have the opposite effect, so there is a fine line between looking presentable and looking over-the-top. (corporateclassicinc.com) According to the website, an image consultant can help you to locate the tools and techniques for office-ready makeup, and can also advise on grooming to ensure that you project a polished look.”

I can attest to that as Angie literally tells the eyebrow threader exactly how to do my eyebrows-and they look good! (For a while.  Eventually they grow out and she drags me kicking and screaming back in to have the hair tortuously ripped from my face.)

  1. Changing Seasons

Please, please, please, dress for the season. An image consultant can help you affordably transition from one season to the next by teaching you simple layering techniques and teaching you how to shop off season.

Image consulting ranges from simply asking a friend for advice, to hiring a professional who aims to improve the image of the client personally or professionally through appearance, behavior, and/or communication

I learned a lot from Angie, and for the most part can handle my own wardrobe and look, but I recently hired her again to help our family as they are in transition and each needing a personalized style.  Saves me time, frustration and money.  WORTH EVERY PENNY!

Read Part 2-Why Every Professional Need a Personal Image Consultant? By Jenny Dewberry, Professional Image Consultant

Why My Babies Rarely Cried

Lena Arnold

I am prompted to write this post with a link to the article below in the hopes that it will bring comfort to a mom who may need to do things different from what the “experts” say.

Many years ago as a new mom I was desperate to get some sleep.  My oldest could be sound asleep, until you tried to put her in her own bed.  She was having none of that.  All the “experts” said she should be sleeping in her own bed and had all kinds of ideas about how to make that happen, including letting them cry.

I tried that-for 30 minutes!

I couldn’t bear it.

I thought it was cruel.

Here is this little baby, brand new to the world.  She couldn’t speak, so the only way to communicate her hunger, her fear, her anxiety was to cry.  She needed me.  And after 16 years of infertility-in essence being apart from my baby through the disease of endometriosis-I wasn’t about to leave her alone.

Screw the experts!  If my baby needed me to help her sleep she was gonna get it.

I bought a shallow, small, soft basket that I kept on my bed, and after rocking her to sleep in the chair I gently transferred her to the basket and drew it as close to me as I could. This kept me from rolling on her but made it easy to breastfeed the moment she cried.  She was close to me. She was safe. She was happy. During the day, when my babies cried I picked them up and held them close-EVERY TIME.

People said I would “spoil them.”  I said, “they’re babies not fruit.”

Who knew, I was raising them the way my ancestors would have and the way most Africans still do.  Babies are kept close-all the time.  Their every need is met immediately, and as a result they rarely cry. (Click link below to read full article)

This whole concept of babies sleeping in their own rooms alone is modern.

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Image: http://www.pixolo.it/2012/07/tenerissime-immagini-cuccioli-cane-alta-risoluzione/

Our oldest slept in our room till she was two, then shared a room with her siblings till she was seven.

So to you new moms. Expert advice is okay, but remember your child is YOUR child.  At the end of the day you are the best expert on what is right for your kid.  If your kid wants to be held constantly, wrap them up like the Africans do and keep them close.  It’s hard, but this is a short blip on the screen of life.  It will pass and one day they will be teenagers who will run when you try to kiss them goodbye.

Enjoy the moment while you still can.

Why African Babies Don’t Cry:

An African Perspective

by Claire Niala

https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/claire_niala.html

One of the Most Beautiful Stories I Have Ever Read

This is a beautiful, heartwarming, and well written piece of journalism I have read in a long time.  I encourage you to read the full story by clicking the link below.

 

https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/remembering-sabika-sheikh-pakistani-student-killed-santa-fe-school-shooting/?utm_source=pocket-newtab

 

CUANDO ABRAZAS TU VERGÜENZA, BORRAS TU VERGÜENZA: ¡ USANDO LOS MOMENTOS DE DESCONSUELO EN TU VIDA PARA DAR HONOR A DIOS!

by Lena Fields-Arnold

Extraído del libro de Lena Arnold titulado “escenas de la ciudad: imágenes poéticas de la vida urbana” disponible en Amazon.

Hace varios años me encontré en una situación muy incómoda que resultó en tres de las horas más humillantes de mi vida!

Durante meses, no hablaría con nadie de lo que pasó, porque tenía miedo de lo que la gente pensaría cuando se enteró.

Sorprendentemente lo que descubrí fue un aprecio por mi honestidad y franqueza; así como un momento ordenado por Dios para ser ministro a alguien con heridas y dolores similares. Nuestras discusiones inicialmente trajeron lágrimas de liberación, seguidas de risas y alegría al encontrar nuevas maneras de reírnos sobre lo que antes nos había herido.

 

stay-in-bed
¡ No voy a levantarme hoy!

 

“El llanto perdura por una noche, pero la alegría viene por la mañana”.

¿Con qué frecuencia he repetido este pasaje de las Escrituras sin una comprensión clara de su significado?

Para mí, la alegría provenía de la confesión. La Biblia también dice que cuando “confesamos nuestros pecados; Dios es fiel y sólo para perdonar nuestros pecados y para purificarnos de toda injusticia. ” Por favor, sepan, que el pecado ya ha sido perdonado, por lo que la confesión no es realmente perdonar el pecado, sino para darnos la absolución de la culpa que a menudo sentimos dentro de nosotros mismos. La confesión purifica aún más la mente de los pensamientos de la condenación del enemigo.

Por ejemplo: digamos que en tu vida anterior fuiste una persona a la que le gustaba beber. Como resultado de demasiadas bebidas, usted participó en algunos actos muy embarazosos, peligrosos y/o ilícitos. Desde entonces has estado sobrio durante 5 años, pero tus amigos constantemente encuentran nuevas formas de reportar tus pecados pasados a personas que realmente no querías tener esa información.

¿Qué quiere que hagamos?

He descubierto que cuando hablo de mí mismo, no dejo espacio para que la gente hable de mí. La gente no puede susurrar en las sombras lo que ya he gritado desde los tejados.

¡ Las ocasiones embarazosas ahora se convierten en oportunidades para el testimonio!

“Las personas que ocultan sus pecados no prosperarán, pero si confesan y se alejan de ellos, recibirán misericordia”. -Proverbios 28:13 (NLV)

Cuando mi marido y yo estábamos pasando por el juicio de infertilidad, no hablamos a nadie acerca de la vergüenza secreta que sentimos con respecto a nuestra incapacidad para concebir. Durante años caminamos detrás de un velo de tristeza y vergüenza. Enmascaramos bien la vergüenza, pero dentro estábamos atados y rotos. Pero cuando empezamos a confesar nuestros sentimientos y a compartir la lucha, nos dimos cuenta de que había toda una comunidad de heridos que sentían lo mismo que nosotros, y que tampoco tenían a nadie con quien hablar acerca de sus sentimientos.

Al hablar unos con otros y abrir nuestros corazones, todos estábamos emocionalmente y mentalmente curados en el proceso, y muchos también fueron sanados físicamente. La discusión nos impulsó a todos a hacer un balance de nuestras condiciones físicas y buscar el tratamiento médico que no sabíamos que estaba disponible para nosotros.

 “No puedes hacerme sentir avergonzado por lo que he escogido abrazar”.

El comediante Richard Pryor da un gran ejemplo de esto. Durante un especial de comedia, una vez admitió abiertamente haber tenido relaciones sexuales con otro hombre. “Allí lo dije”, dijo. “Ahora nadie puede sostenerme sobre mí.” Entendió que una vez que lo sacó a la luz, nadie podía amenazar con usar la información en su contra o hacerle sentir mal por ello.

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¡ Si tengo que levantarme, todos se levanten!

Pero supongamos que no es un pecado lo que te molesta, sino algo que consideras una fragilidad. Antes de tener hijos teníamos una de las casas más limpias de Norteamérica. Los amigos siempre comentaban cuán ordenada y ordenada era nuestra casa. Tres niños dentro de dos años después, y es una historia completamente diferente. Mientras que mi casa no es desagradable, a menudo es desordenada y descuidado.

Estos mismos amigos, que han sido mi roca, nunca dejan de recordarme lo limpia que era nuestra casa antes de tener hijos. Inicialmente sus comentarios me molestó, y me hizo sentir inadecuado. Entonces un día me di cuenta de que nuestra casa no era desordenada porque éramos Slobs, era un desastre porque nuestros valores habían cambiado. Mi esposo y yo valoramos a los niños felices, sanos, mannerables y bien ajustados, y nuestra casa refleja eso.

Refleja que yo, como madre de estancia en casa, he escogido abrazar mi desorden; porque para mí los juguetes en el suelo significa que mis hijos juegan felizmente, libros esparcido sobre la mesa significa que mis hijos están aprendiendo bien, y platos sucios en el fregadero significa que mis hijos tienen un montón de comida y están comiendo comidas preparadas adecuadamente. Hoy, gracias a otro amigo que entiende, ahora hay una señal sobre mi puerta que dice: “mi casa estaba limpia la semana pasada. ¡ Lamento que te lo hayas perdido! ”

Ahora cuando la gente comenta sobre la condición de mi casa, les digo gracias por el cumplido más amable que puedan dar. Nadie puede hacerme sentir avergonzado por lo que he escogido abrazar.

Así que hoy, al ir adelante preocupados por sus pecados, preocupados por sus faltas, o excesivamente preocupado con respecto a sus debilidades; Te pido que consideres todos tus desafíos como una oportunidad para traer gloria a Dios, llevar a tu propia sanación, y proporcionar terapia a otros que están siendo probados por muchos de los mismos problemas.

Ahora entiendo que hay algunas cosas de las que no puedes hablar con todos. Y hay cosas de las que puedes hablar con todos, pero no ahora mismo. Para esas cuestiones, les insto a que encuentren un grupo de apoyo y consideren con espíritu de oración la búsqueda de una red compasiva y alentadora de amigos íntimos que se asociarán con usted en oración e incluso en ayunas si eso es lo que se necesita para romper las cadenas que le mantienen atado.

Una vez que haya sido sanado, busque a Dios en cuanto a cómo, Cuándo y de qué manera tendrán lugar sus confesiones a otros fuera de esa red.

Podría ser en el autobús, el Banco de la iglesia, o una celda de la prisión, pero Dios es capaz de tomar lo que una vez fue una fuente de vergüenza y dolor para usted, y hacer que sea un lugar de inicio de testimonio.

Hoy os reto a abrazar vuestra vergüenza, porque al hacerlo; borrará su vergüenza y cubrirá una multitud de pecados.

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Esto te abraza.

Si hablas español y tienes una mejor traducción de este ensayo, por favor siéntete libre de contactarme. Hice lo mejor que pude y espero que no se pierda nada en la traducción.—Lena