In the Absence of my Father Author Featured on Gumbo for the Soul

Lena Arnold Featured on In Search of Fatherhood Gumbo for the Soul Blog Talk Radio

 

Lena Fields-Arnold Featured on Divas by Design

Advertisements

5 Things Direct Sales Reps Want You to Know

5 Things Direct Sales Reps Want You to Know

By Lena Fields Arnold

February 7, 2018

I never thought much about direct sales representatives (aka door to door sales reps) until I became one. It never occurred to me how difficult their job is. Like postal carriers they brave extreme temperature and whether fluctuations, work under the threat of animal attacks, and sometimes have to deal with unreasonable and irrational people who can make their jobs a nightmare.

After dealing with one of the above mentioned unreasonable and irrational people I decided to write this post in the hopes that people will read it and think about it the next time a sales rep comes to your door.

door to door

We Are Not Stupid

In fact, most of us are pretty intelligent.  The vast majorities of sales reps are either pursuing higher education or have completed it.  We hold certifications, associates degrees, bachelor’s degrees, and even master’s degrees. Most of us work in sales because it allows us the flexibility to raise our families, and complete our education while earning a decent income. In many cases were are in an executive training program and often these programs require one year of direct door to door sales before the person can be promoted.

We are entertainers, college students, professional musicians, small business owners and up and coming executives; so when you talk to us, keep that in mind.  We love it when you converse with us, even after you have said no.  Not because we are still trying to sell you anything, but because we are interesting people who are interested in people.

We are Not Ashamed of our Jobs

Susan Horsburgh in her article “Life of a Salesman,” for People Magazine writes, “Door-to-door selling has a long history in the U.S., probably dating to the country’s early days when peddlers carried their wares in tin carriers or piled in a wagon.” Although the practice has significantly declined since 1980, door to door sales still exist and can be very profitable for those with a determined and disciplined nature.

Many successful people today either started out as directs sales reps, selling anything from encyclopedias, vacuums, beauty products, or home goods.  So prevalent was direct sales that once upon a time in America it was through the door to door salesperson that people bought a majority of their products.

As people became more enamored with retail stores and later online shopping, the direct salesperson began to be viewed as an unwelcome intrusion. Nevertheless, the growing use of technologies has not been able to fully kill the entrepreneurial spirit of the direct sales rep.

Sometimes We Really Aren’t Trying To Sell You Anything

We’re not just sales reps.  We are marketing professionals and often the companies we work for will ask us to survey customers for satisfaction, to ascertain why they dropped services, or to inform them of the benefits of new products and upgrades.  One of the first things I do when I am given a new territory is peruse through the list to find existing customers who may be eligible for free or reduced price upgrades. Often these customers aren’t aware of their eligibility. These specials benefit existing customers by saving them money or by increasing the value of their current services.  So when a sales rep says “I am not here to sell you anything.” They may just mean it.

Sales Reps are People Too

Like you we have families, obligations, and personal issues we are dealing with.  We come into this job knowing that 98% of the people don’t want what we are selling or may not see the value in the product. We muddle through because it is our job, and to be truthful most days we like what we do.  But like you, sometimes we have bad days.  So if you can see us through the door, you know you don’t want what we are offering, and you are tempted to answer the door just to be rude; please just don’t.  You are not obligated to open your door and opening it just to tell off a sales rep benefits no one. Most of us respect the No Soliciting sign, so just put one up and most of us won’t bother knocking on your door. Please keep this in mind as I move on to the next point.

no cold callers sign

It cost you nothing to be Nice

If you elect to open the door, remember it cost you nothing to be nice.  You may even be rewarded for it.  Once a lady opened the door just make me aware that I was soliciting in a no solicitation area.  When I informed her that I was not aware, she very politely directed me to the location of the no soliciting sign posted at the entrance to the neighborhood. We talked for a moment about the ordinance and I thanked her for making me cognizant of it and I forwarded a photo of the sign to the company I was working for.

She was so polite that we ended up talking about other issues and to make a long story short I was able to point her in a direction to help her resolve some things she was dealing with. I didn’t sell her anything, yet it was a win-win for both of us. It cost her nothing to be polite and in fact she gained a benefit. It cost you nothing to be polite either.

So to all you sales reps toiling out there in the streets, keep your head up.  I know your job is hard, but you have life goals you are trying to accomplish and as long as your sales job is helping you achieve your objectives keep on keeping on.

I’ll end by encouraging you to read the article Life of a Salesman (link below)by Susan Horsburgh who highlights the story of award winning salesman Bill Porter. According to Horsburgh, Porter, who suffers from cerebral palsy, once crawled the last part of his seven-mile route on his hands and knees. His “grit-and-gumption” story of how he became an award winning salesman was made into a TNT movie entitled “Door to Door.” He was successful because he was motivated by his dreams. I encourage you to remain motivated by yours.

Resources:

Life of a Salesman. (n.d.). Retrieved February 07, 2018, from http://people.com/archive/life-of-a-salesman-vol-58-no-4/

Remember the Door-to-door Sales Days?, Dorene Weinstein retrieved from https://www.argusleader.com/story/life/2014/03/28/remember-door-door-sales-days/7026505/

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Martin’s Quest: A Poetic Tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Excerpted from Scenes from the City: Poetic Pictures of Urban Life

Available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

Martin’s Quest

by Lena Arnold

 

Oh faithful man who would not bow under

the cruel crushing hand of the enemy.

Though long you suffered, still privy to know,

the coming defeat of  his foul cruelty.

 

Feeling deeply within your heart the call

of God’s men who as slaughtered lambs faithful;

did envision the day of Jim Crow’s fall,

urging you to press forward standing tall.

 

Hearing God say, “March on my dear son.”

Hearing God say, “Press on my people.”

 

Halls of Lady Justice echoed loudly,

with the shrill cries of dark earth’s hunted men.

Faces of amoral men look proudly,

disbelieving their cruel reign must now end.

 

The proud though, never give up nor give in.

Against the Divine they fail to desist.

Hatred as their friend—-yielding to its sin.

Evil in their heart—refuse to resist.

 

Did you o’ faithful one envision this;

When on the mountaintop you stood and said,

“Free at last.” True freedom your lips did kiss.

Till they found subtle ways to kill us dead!

 

Even now God is still to us saying.

“March on my dear sons and my dear daughters.

Press on my people. Press on my people.

Click Here to see the video on Daily Motion

Aziz Ansari and the Current Culture of Feminist Shaming: what’s a Guy to do?

by Lena Fields-Arnold

January 15, 2018

By all accounts actor Aziz Ansari did everything the feminist taught him to do.  He responded to a woman who came on to him and sent her home when she said no.  This temptress was weaned on the teats of the feminist agenda of sexual empowerment and suddenly in the wake of the #METOO movement, she now sees herself as the victim.

aziaAre you kidding me?  I don’t know about her, but one of the first dating skills I learned was never go to a man’s house on a date because you put YOURSELF into a compromising position. I learned this lesson the hard way after going on a double date with my best friend. I was sitting on the couch downstairs with my date and she was upstairs with hers.  While my date was very respectful, it appears hers was not as respectful because the next thing I know she was running downstairs yelling, “Let’s go!” My date and I exchanged worried glances as we saw his friend running behind her asking, “What did I do?”

Initially I was terrified because I thought she had been raped and I realized that it was quite possible that we had willingly placed ourselves into a dangerous position by agreeing to go to their apartment.  This was the days before cellphones so that made our decision to enter their ground even more-STUPID!

It turns out that she was not sexually harmed in any way, but rather was adamant that she was not interested in the same thing he was.  She wanted to get to know him intellectually, and he only wanted to get to know her physically. In effect he was being a normal guy.  Was he trying to convince her to change her mind-of course?  Did he force himself upon her? No.  Did she decide no meant no? Yes.  Did she play games with him or allow him to persuade her?  No because she and I had made the decision a long time ago that we would never allow anyone to make us go where we did not want to go.

Once we knew she was okay I turned to my date and said, “You should take us home now.”  Sadly he agreed.  At my door he asked if he could see me again and I said “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  It was too bad because he was a nice guy and I liked him.  He didn’t have to ask why.  He understood his friend had ruined it for the both of them.

Did we cry, “Foul!” afterwards?  Did we go around putting these guys on blast and try to ruin their lives and label them as sexual predators. No, because they weren’t horrible creatures and we weren’t victims.

So now back to Ansari who is in the unfortunate position of having to respond to an allegation of sexual assault by a woman he went out on a date with in the fall of 2017. By all accounts whatever happened was consensual except for the fact that afterwards she claims to -not be okay, alleging she felt “pressured” by Ansari to have intercourse, (which they didn’t-because apparently he does understand that no means no), and to perform oral sex, (which she did-probably because why? I don’t know-because maybe she doesn’t understand that no means no”).

According to the article in Babe this anonymous woman who doesn’t even have the courage to use her real name, used verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate she was “distressed.” and  “I cried the whole ride home.” (After Ansari called for a ride to take her home.)  “At that point I felt violated,” she said.  Note: She only felt violated AFTER he called for the ride.

So let’s translate her statement into a language everyone can easily understand.

I cried the whole way home after I acted like a whore and then got treated like one.  I felt violated because as I was on the drive of shame home I realized my fantasy of having a real relationship with Ansari was not going to come to pass.  Now I am too embarrassed to admit the truth so now that I have the power of the #METOO Movement I will pay him back for making me feel like a slut.

“It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award,” she said. “And absolutely cringe worthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up* pin. I think that started a new fire, and it kind of made it more real.”

You know what’s painful, you wanting me to feel sorry for you.  My best friend and I were still in our late teens when she came running down those stairs.  You want me to believe that you-a grown woman, don’t know how to tell a man no?  Yeah, I’m not buying it.

I will admit, it’s painful for me to know he wears that pin as well, but for different reasons.  I’m sad he’s supporting a movement designed to emasculate him and all men.  A movement whose very nature is to deprive them of their strength and  vigor; to spiritually weaken them and socially and publicly  castrate them.

Feminist author Jessica Valenti tweeted: “A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers ‘normal’ sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful.”

Bullcrap!  You can’t have it both ways.  On the one had you want men to respect you and that these “normal” encounters are not working for you, yet you constantly support ideas, shows, music, and media promoting a reshaping of cultural norms where women are free to flaunt their sexuality more often than not being the aggressors.  Further, you fail to support men in those instances where they are actually the victim.

I am more inclined to agree with Caitlyn Flanagan, who wrote in the Atlantic that Ansari is being “professionally assassinated on the basis of “one woman’s anonymous account.” Nothing was stopping this grown ass woman from leaving his premises and calling her own cab.  C’mon, she even let him pay for the ride!

Molly Roberts in her op ed for the Post Partisan writes, “We know how it happens. A man wants sex after an evening out, and a woman feels obligated to comply…” Obligated?  I thought we were talking about grown women here?  Did he buy her a Lamborghini?  She continues, “…Even when she’s not enjoying herself, she thinks she should be, and she tries hard to convince herself nothing is wrong until — maybe that night, maybe the next morning — it becomes too clear to ignore.

Seriously, it is really time out for this bull.  Women today are on the police force, in the militarily, they carry guns, jump out of planes, scale buildings, build bridges, lift weights, play professional sports, wrestle alligators, take martial arts and do a whole lot of things my grandmothers woman never did and you are trying to tell me she is still so weak that she can’t resist a man’s pressure to have sex? Maybe the problem is her, not him?

Roberts ends her article by posing the question of whether or not Ansari deserves the shaming and if his shaming should even be the central focus in a broken system.

I’ll end my post by answering Roberts’s question. No, Ansari does not deserve this. Stop being mad at men for being men; we all know they are going to try.  It has always been our job to determine how far they are allowed to go. Ansari did what he was taught by women to do-respect their boundaries.  She said no to one thing and yes to other things.  By all accounts he did not force himself upon her nor did anything she didn’t want to do.  What’s he supposed to do about her regrets? In a criminal case he would have the right to face his accusers.  How is he supposed to defend himself in the court of public opinion?

As women of the 21rst century who want to be respected and taken seriously we must first start by stopping playing the victim when no crime has taken place.  The stakes are too great and the potential consequences of crying wolf are too high. Everyday there are women who really are being victimized, raped, and abused and who have the courage to file criminal charges when necessary. Claims like these by “anonymous” victims make it harder for women who need our sympathy to get the justice they deserve. That’s what makes me sad.

———————————————————————————————————————

Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Time’s Up is a campaign by women in entertainment to heighten awareness of gender inequality issues and curtail sexual harassment across industries.

 

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

By Lena Fields-Arnold

1/8/2016

trans prisonerDeon Hampton is a 26-year-old MAN i.e.-transgender woman serving a 10-year sentence in for burglary.  According to Michael Tarm, writer for the Associated Press Hampton is seeking a rarely granted transfer to a female prison where “she” says she’ll be less vulnerable to the kinds of sexual assault, taunting and beatings she’s been subjected to in male prisons.

My question is, how safe will the women be on the prison he wants to transfer to?  In a previous posting on my blog I wrote about the MMA fighter who routinely beat her female opponents, nearly killing one before revealing a sex change operation. This operation apparently didn’t change the physical structure that allowed her to pummel her opponents.

Hampton’s lawsuit alleges that he is singled out for the taunting because he is transgendered.  I do not advocate violence and brutality on any inmate, but I do wonder, “how do prisoners prove they are being singled out specifically for this reason?

In prison, weaker prisoners are routinely singled out for harsh treatment.  What makes Mr. Hampton any different from them?  Where can they go to be safe?  Or perhaps this is Mr. Hampton’s plan to avoid any harsh treatment altogether?

In a South Park episode Cartman played such a game so he could use the girl’s restroom. He quickly realized that he could manipulate the system and get his own bathroom simply by claiming to be transgendered.  He carried out this plan even to the detriment of the system and his classmates.

What’s sad to me is that this case even got a hearing, when there are many more important things our tax dollars could be spent on. Don’t misunderstand me, if his claims of abuse are true then let’s deal with the issue from that frame of reference not adding, according to his lawyers, that Hampton is, “Unable to comfortably represent herself as female in the male prison — where she can’t wear her hair or nails long — has also been devastating psychologically,” and that he feels inhuman as a result of this inability.  REALLY!  Should I feel inhuman because I can’t grow my hair long or afford to get my nails done on a regular basis?  Sorry dude, any sympathy I might have felt for you was unceremoniously tossed out the window.

While there is some data to support those transgender inmates are at greater risk, but that data is minuscule when compared with the total number of prisoners in the system.  Besides, why should taxpayers pay for Hampton’s personal issues?  If I want my boobs removed (and I don’t by the way), no one’s going to pay for that!  My idiot neighbor makes me “feel uncomfortable.” Can I ask the government to buy me a new house and move me?

So Mr. Hampton, you want to be a woman.  That’s your business.  Might I recommend that you finish your sentence, get a job, and pay for your own breasts? Pay for your own estrogen treatments, and your own penis removal?  See because that part of the equation is a choice. Even if you believe that people are born gay and can’t control their attraction to the opposite sex, it is a far more difficult argument to claim that people are born in the wrong bodies.

There is a scripture that states that in the mouth of two or more witnesses let a thing be established. You don’t have to believe in the Bible for this to be a good point of reference. Stay with me people. Don’t let a little scripture reference run you off. If I’d quoted Gandhi you’d still be here so don’t leave me now.

This first witness was given to be by a 7th grader:

  1. Visual Inspection

Remove your clothes and stand in front of the mirror.  If you have breast (no matter how small), and a vagina the probability that you are female is 99.99 %.

If you do not have breast or maybe some fatty tissue that look like breast and a penis (no matter how small) the probability that you are male is 99.99%.

  1. Medical Evaluation

Get a comprehensive medical exam that includes full cavity exploration.  If the doctor’s hand can go up and inside you from the front and back, the probability that you are female is 99.99 %. To ensure accuracy have an x-ray or an MRI.  If the technician sees a uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes-then Houston I think we have a FEMALE.

  1. Scientific Study

While at the doctors, give up some blood and have it tested for the presence of estrogen and/or testosterone. If the results show a preponderance of estrogen then you are probably a girl. If the results show a preponderance of testosterone then you are probably a boy.

  1. Biological Comparison

In biology we learned that the X and Y chromosomes determine a person’s sex. Most women are XX and most men are XY. Occasionally an individual will be born with a single sex chromosome or even multiple sex chromosomes.  In these rare cases doctors will look at all the above factors to help determine a person’s actual gender, and in most cases discover these abnormalities prior to birth or shortly thereafter.  For more information visit the World Health Organization’s website, ask your science teacher, or physician.

I’m not trying to be insensitive, because for those rare cases this can be a heart wrenching issue in which they had no choice. But let’s face it, for the majority of people claiming transgendered this is not a scientific issue, but rather a psychological one.  Something, somewhere, along the course of life happened that altered the way they think about themselves.  You know how I know, because they talk too much about their “feelings” and how other people are making them “feel” because of how they “feel.” Maybe if you didn’t talk so much about being transgendered no one would even know you were.

The article goes on to state that, “While prison officials do have the option of assigning such male-to-female transgender inmates to women’s prisons — it happens infrequently.”  That’s probably because prison officials have a lot more pressing problems on their plate worrying about the 99.99% of prisoners who are not transgendered.

So this is probably a good lesson for those who may be struggling with this issue-don’t commit crimes that will land you in the prison system.  It is unfair to expect the rest of the world to accommodate Hampton because he chose to have his procedure interrupted by committing a punishable offense that subsequently landed him in prison. Even if he claims to have had no choice in his gender he cannot argue that he didn’t have a choice in whether to commit a legally punishable crime.

So now like all the rest of the prisoners Hampton must press pause on his personal life, and he wants to rest of us to feel bad about it.  Sorry dude no can do. See because here’s the thing it doesn’t matter what you “feel” like.  Being a male or female is not a feeling-IT JUST IS!

Some days I feel like a lazy slug.  But that don’t make me a slug.  Some days I feel like the most beautiful female on the planet-but that don’t make me a supermodel. However if I want to have surgery and implants to make me feel like the inner supermodel I know I am, I don’t expect my country to pay for it. Although that would be cool and I would so take advantage of that!

However in all seriousness, for the extremely small percentage of people for whom life is not so simple; who really do have biological and/or medical issues relative to gender identity, it is wrong to exploit this matter and make things more difficult for those who really do deserve our sympathy. If Hampton really wanted to promote the cause for those struggling with transgender issues he would buck up, stand up straight (no pun intended) and advocate for the cause in a more meaningful way-one that does not further fuel divisiveness.

Related Articles:

http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/09/walt-heyer-proves-sex-change-regret-real-thats-trans-lobby-hates/

———————————————————————————————————————

Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

In the Absence of My Father-Spanish Version Coming 2018

Extraído de en la Ausencia de mi Padre por Lena Arnold

Libro disponible en abril de 2018

El Padre Bueno

Por Lena Arnold

Copyright 2009

 Él es más noble que cualquier rey humano.

Y sirve por mucho más motivos de nobler.

Su sacrificio sirve como el testigo,

contra aquellos que cometen la traición paternal.

Él serves:

Para el sonido que su hijo hace,

cuando él aspira por la noche.

Para la sonrisa de su hija,

cuando el sol arrojó su luz llena

 

Para la mirada de la luna

cuando ellos persiguen a luciérnagas.

Para el viento libre en sus pies,

cuando ellos corren rápido con cielos azules.

 

Ya que el dulce susurran de la arena,

durante un día de verano caliente.

Para las bolas de nieve frío frígido,

durante el juego del invierno de diversión.

 

Para la alegría ellos le traen realmente,

con canciones tontas; bailes extraños.

Para la vida ellos lo aspiran,

con sus caminos locos y payasadas.

 

Para decir chillando ruedas en el pavimento,

cuando sus motos se estrellan a la tierra.

Para el golpe en su pecho,

cuando él da vuelta hacia el sonido.

 

Para los latidos del corazón él siente,

cuando él los sostiene estrechamente.

Para el amor en sus ojos penetrantes,

cuando él venda rodillas peladas.

 

Para abrazos incondicionales,

al final de día difícil.

Para amor incondicional, y

por una razón de rezar.

 

Tan para cada padre dentro del sonido de mi voz;

Para cada padre que hizo la opción optativa;

al hombre y aceptan la responsabilidad,

Quien anted; funcionamiento desinteresadamente.

 

Le saludo hoy y para siempre,

Le armo caballero cuando usted nunca ha sido antes.

Un noble más valiente que cualquier fila en de la mesa redonda,

Constante en compromiso, estable, seguro y estable.

 

Usted héroes de zanja verdaderos paternales.

Partícipes de esta ceremonia informal.

Quien viendo palabras sobre el pergamino impersonal,

Merezca más que el reconocimiento superficial.

Ya que usted sirve por mucho más motivos de nobler que

patriotismo, venganza, o honradez.

Usted simplemente sirve, como usted ama.

¿Qué podría estar más espléndido alguna vez que esto?

absence

Baby It’s Cold Outside: The Original Date Rape Song

Every holiday season the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is one of the most popular songs played. AND IT IS PLAYED EVERYWHERE. On the radio, in stores, restaurants, and even church Christmas parties. But in light of all the recent allegations of men sexually harassing and abusing women; as well as the revival of the “Me Too” Campaign, I had to ask myself why?

Am I the only one who has ever listened to this song and thought, “Seriously, this is a straight up date rape song!”

Think about it, this chick is telling this man over and over no! Where are the No means no feminnazi’s, (oops I mean feminist) sticking up for this woman? How many times and ways can you say no before it gets in his head?

Okay, so I get it.  It was 1944.  Men could get away with putting date rape drugs in a woman’s drink and charming his way into a woman’s drawers while she’s inebriated, write a song about doing, and get paid a lot of money.  But it’s 2017. C’MON!”

I like the way writer J.C. Bourque puts it.

I was just starting to read when the first words of that disgusting celebration of date rape seared my sensibilities: ‘I really can’t stay (but baby, it’s cold outside).
I was deep into a review copy of the forthcoming book “How to Ruin Everything: The Ultimate Guide to Political Correctness, Virtue Signaling and Victimization,” when The Song came up on my Amazon Echo. “Alexa,” I screamed, “turn off that misogynistic piece of patriarchal, rape-baiting trash immediately!”

….huh, what’s that?  Uh huh…so you are telling me that there are a lot of misogynistic songs like this still played on the radio and purchased by women?

Shoot, you right. You right! But aren’t those STUPID women, who hopefully don’t know any better?  This doggone song is sung by, played by, and purchased by grown women and men who should know better.  This stupid song has become a dang on holiday icon.  A Christmas staple if you will.  I just want to know how it happened.  Take a look at the lyrics for yourself below if you don’t believe me.

Lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”written

by Frank Loesser 1944

She-I really can’t stay –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
She-I’ve got to go away –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
she-This evening has been –

Him-Been hoping that you’d drop in
she-So very nice –

Him-I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

she-My mother will start to worry –

him-Beautiful, what’s your hurry?
she-Father will be pacing the floor

him– Listen to the fireplace roar
she-So really I’d better scurry –

him-Beautiful, please don’t hurry
she-Maybe just a half a drink more –

him-Put some records on while I pour

she-The neighbors might think –

he-Baby, it’s bad out there
sheSay, what’s in this drink?

he-No cabs to be had out there
sheI wish I knew how

he-Your eyes are like starlight now
sheTo break this spell

he-I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell

sheI ought to say no, no, no

he-Mind if I move in closer?

IMG_3388hey fella no means no

IMAGE and link to a really good post by Four Eyes Rella http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html
sheAt least I’m gonna say that I tried

he-What’s the sense in hurting my pride?
sheI really can’t stay

he-Baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside

she-I’ve got to get home –

he-Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
she-Say, lend me your coat –

he-It’s up to your knees out there
she-You’ve really been grand –

he-Thrill when you touch my hand
she-Why don’t you see –

he-How can you do this thing to me?

she-There’s bound to be talk tomorrow –

he-Think of my life long sorrow
she-At least there will be plenty implied –

he-If you caught pneumonia and died
she-I really can’t stay –

he-oh baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

See.  Told you.

dean martin

“Here’s a little secret we have to say out loud: Women love the sexual interplay they experience with men, and they relish men desiring their beauty.”- (Click Here to read full article.)

Or maybe we can blame Dean Martin, who after all personifies the very image of that foreplay. Dang on it Dean, why did you have to go and be so doggone cool?  By the way, you were Dean Martin for goodness sake-women would have sex with you while they were sober.

For the rest of us it’s time to give this song the cold shoulder.

Finally, since the whole purpose of my blog is to tie everything back to leadership let me just say this. Real leaders don’t deliberately slip people drugs and take advantage of them while they are high or drunk-and we sure as hell don’t sing about doing it either.


 

Sources:

Bourque, J.C., It May Be Cold Outside, But It’s Sure Hot In Here,  2017 Retrieved fromhttp://thefederalist.com/2017/12/22/may-cold-outside-sure-hot/

Loesser, Frank, “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” 1944

McAllister, D.C. “Can We Be Honest About Women” The Federalist, 2017 retrieved from http://thefederalist.com/2017/12/12/can-honest-women/

Noverella, “Baby It’s Cold Outside (and Rapey) Inside, 2010, retrieved from http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html

The articles and writers I cited above are really good and I encourage you to read them.

 

Ted Williams’ Story Reminds World of the Relevance of Fathers

 

Ted Williams, Radio Man, golden radio voice - Bum that became a star – Ted Williams

A homeless man with a golden voice has inspired the world to believe that dreams can come true.  Yet in the midst of all the fanfare, there are nine people who are still crying with a pain that no amount of money can heal.

These are the voices of Ted William’s children who lived for years with his repeated absence, abandonment and neglect.   Several of his children recently appeared with him on the Dr. Phil show, where polite diatribe was exchanged before, in a more private setting, tempers flared and a more truthful story was told.  Forgiveness is earned when a person sincerely asks for it, and proves by their actions that they have changed.

In the Absence of my Father, published by Emperor Publishing, these issues are explored with heartfelt emotion and sincerity. “When a father leaves his family, and engages in a repeated pattern of neglect and absence, it is in many ways even worse than never having had a father at all.”  Said Lena Arnold, author.

I was compelled to write this book,” said Lena, “after viewing a talk show where a guest made a statement that his child didn’t need him.  He was absolutely clueless to how important he was to that child’s life.   While watching Ted Williams’s response to his children’s tears, and hearing his statement, I sadly realized that he, too,  had been clueless.  Unfortunately, many men think if a child is left with a strong woman that is enough, but that is simply not the truth.”

Glenn Jeffrey, founder of Life Coaches for Kids believes that the most important issue underlying the majority of troubled kids is the voluntary abandonment of children by their fathers.  To that end, Lena, who has more than 20 years experience working with troubled youth, believes her book will help men to understand what happens when they aren’t around for evil, and when they are around for good.  The course of Lena Arnold’s own life was negatively impacted as a direct result of the absence of her father.

Ted Williams is finding out that whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, when a man fails to live up to his responsibility, everyone suffers.  Ah, but when he meets those obligations there are great rewards, not just for his family, but the world at large.

This book is distinctive in that it is the only book of poetry deals with male abandonment from purely a poetic perspective.” said Dr. Carolyn L. Gordon, PhD. Div.

“Its balanced treatments are written to encourage men that contrary to what messages the world has sent they are needed for our nourishment, are important to our growth, and valuable to our development.”

For more information, or to purchase the contact visit lenafieldsarnold@gmail.com. Available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

absence

Who is Your Real Employer? On the Job Leadership

leadership image
In a recent leadership course a classmate emphasized the value of mandatory self-evaluations and I agreed with their post, especially if we utilize those evaluations as a way to remind ourselves that our real employer is God.  If we all considered who we really work for, we would spend less time looking for appreciation and accolades from our employers and/or our peers.

“One of the greatest things that humans have is the need for recognition.” (LU Presentation 2015) I personally have spent way too much time in the past expecting my peers and employers to “recognize” me, but it wasn’t until I learned to value myself that true job satisfaction kicked in. Realizing who my real employer is was the first step on the road to personal growth.

Scripture encourages us that “Whenever we do work we should do that work as if unto the Lord, not as if we were working for man. For doing so we’ll be given an inheritance from the Lord.” (Colossians 3:23-24, NIV) When I began to apply this scripture, not only did I feel better about my work but I found that my co-workers and employers began to feel better about me.

The article “Transform Your Workplace: Do Well By Doing Good” (2007) stresses the importance of  personal growth as a means to obtain job satisfaction, referencing Dr. Metzger who stressed that taking care of yourself  includes: defining your personal path to growth, nourishing your spirit, cultivating relationships, fulfilling your purpose as a leader, and finding meaning as a person.  “In light of “doing well by doing good” Dr. Metzger found that, by learning to take care of yourself, you not only enhance your own work and life, you also enhance the lives of people you encounter on a daily basis.” (Marques and Dhiman intro para 6-7)

I can personally attest to the validity of the above words.  A few years ago I attended a workshop sponsored by Dr. Karen Townsend author of “It All Started When I Stopped Using Lotion: One Woman’s Journey from Chaos to Calm.”

In the workshop we learned how much our personal attitudes affect not only job satisfaction, but life satisfaction. Dr. Townsend reading from her book discussed how as a child she treated herself to bubble baths.  It was a calming luxury she engaged in “just for her.”  Then she grew up, got a job, got married, had kids and she forgot her “me” time.  She shared her understanding that only till she began to take care of herself that she could leave the realm of chaos to a place of calm.  This led to peace in her relationships and balance on her jobs. (September 2014)

As I applied her words to my life I no longer looked for affirmation from co-workers or managers.  My life wasn’t to be measured by their ideas of my worth. I first had to be valuable to myself, and that had to translate into understanding that I am valued by God.  We know from the readings that personality can influence job satisfaction (Robbins and Judge) and that negative people are usually not satisfied with their jobs and further, those with positive core self-evaluation are more satisfied with their jobs. (2009)  As I became a more positive person I began to experience increased job satisfaction

I encourage all who read this post to consider the question, “Who is your real boss?” Think about who you ultimately serve. Consider the words from Colossians that remind us we do not work for man, but rather for God.  In doing so we further fulfill the Gospel which encourages us to be peacekeepers (Matthew 5:9) and by meditating on these verses we can remain balanced in our workplace relationships and have peace on our jobs-being the leaders we were created to be.

Resources

Dr. Karen M.R. Townsend, Sister to Sister Empowerment Conference, (September 2014)

Townsend, K. (2011). It all started when I stopped using lotion: One woman’s journey from         chaos to calm. Dayton, Ohio: Queen V Publishing.

Marques, J., Dhiman, S., & King, R. (2007). Transform your workplace: Do well by doing good.  Business Renaissance Quarterly, 2(1), 15-27. Retrieved from  http://search.proquest.com/docview/212535967?accountid=12085

Robbins, S., & Judge, T. (2009). Chapter 3-Attitudes and Decision Making. In Organizational      Behavior (pp. 75-79). Upper Sadle, NJ: Prentice Hall.

(2015, July 1). Individual Behavior in the Organization: Individual Inputs and Outcomes in an     organizational Context. Online Presentation. Lecture conducted from Liberty University,  Lynchburg, VA.

 

How to Talk to Your Kids about Bullying

Jackie's banner

Available on Amazon, CreateSpace, or anywhere books are sold. Buy it Now!

How to Talk To Your Child about Bullying

By Lena Fields-Arnold

It was 1970 something and while it wasn’t my first experience with bullying it was certainly my most memorable.

I was about nine years old and I was being bullied by a neighborhood boy and it was threatening to take an ugly turn. I raced home in search of my father who I knew would protect me from this bully, only to find the door locked and him looking at me from the other side of the door.

“You cannot come back in until you have stood up to the bully. Now go back and fight.”  That was when I learned he had been watching the whole time and also that there would be no rescue for me.  I was on my own.”

It sounds like my father was being cruel, but that’s how many parents taught you to stand up against bullies back then. For many years I thought he had made the right decision because over the years if I encountered a bully that’s just what I did.  Not only did I stand up for myself, but I often stepped in on behalf of others who were being bullied.

It wasn’t until I became a parent that I began to wonder if he’d really made the right call. Was there another way it could have been handled that didn’t require a litte girl fighting in the street with another boy?

See because here’s the thing. The bullying didn’t end with that fight.  Not only would we fight over and over again over a period of several years, but another neighborhood boy started in, followed by another and I found myself constantly fighting, and growing more angry with each encounter. One of the the three boys stopped when my mom discovered him trying to bully me and she chased him home with a broomstick to his backside. He never bothered me again.

I often wonder what might have happened had my father stepped in at that moment and did something similar. I can state for a fact, as a person who grew up fighting-A LOT-it’s no fun. It is a terrible feeling to go outside each day, never knowing if today will be the day you wind up in another fight.  There is no pleasure in spending your childhood wondering if the bullying will ever end.  Frankly, it’s kind of terrifying going through life believing that no adult will step in to help you and that you are on your own.

I know my father thought he was teaching me to be strong. I understand he believed he was helping me see that you had to take care of yourself because you can’t count on other people to be there for you.  I firmly believe that he believed it would be good for me.

I wonder though, if inadvertently he actually taught those boys that they could treat me badly because there would be no consequences for them? See because many, many, years later a neighborhood boy thought he could treat my daughter that way and he got a quick lesson from her parents that he most definitively COULD NOT! He made the wise choice to not come to our yard to play and to leave our daughter alone.

Our children will stand up for themselves when they need to, but they also know they have advocates who will be there to ensure that their childhoods are as stress free as possible.

It’s our job as parents to protect our children and parents, school staff, and other caring adults have a role to play in preventing bullying. StopBullying.GOV provides concrete advice to parents to help with bullying. Some advice includes talking to your kids and teaching them how to stand up safely, making sure they understand  what bulling is, and letting them know that help is available when they need it, especially when bullying is cycling past a safe point.

Your kids need to know you are there for them. My father and I never talked about what was happening in my life after that day.  He probably thought the bullying had ended.  It didn’t.  It just made me believe I was alone. Fortunately I was strong (physically, mentally, and emotionally) I come from strong stock, as the old folks used to say, but I feel bad for the kids who don’t have my physical strength, or emotional resiliency.  Those kids never fight back or can’t fight back.  They are constantly beaten, and they give up.  Some end up on drugs or commit suicide.  This is sad, because bullying is preventable and solvable.

As adults, we must openly discuss bullying and encourage kids to speak to a trusted adult if they are being bullied or see others being bullied. Like grandpa, we can offer comfort and support, as well as give helpful advice. We can help them solve the problem themselves, and we can step it when it spirals beyond the scope of their control.

In the Focus on the Family article “Back to School with Purpose,” the authors cite research telling us that children really do look to parents and caregivers for advice and help on tough decisions. The article offers concrete advice on how to start conversations with our children.  With regard to the specific topic of bullying some questions to ask are:

  • What does “bullying” mean to you?
  • Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?
  • Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?
  • Have you ever felt scared to go to school, outside, or to an event, because you were afraid of bullying? What ways have you tried to change it?
  • What do you think parents can do to help stop bullying?
  • Have you or your friends left other kids out on purpose? Do you think that was bullying? Why or why not?
  • What do you usually do when you see bullying going on?
  • Do you ever see kids at your school being bullied by other kids? How does it make you feel?
  • Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happens again?

Kids do need to stand up to bullies, and sometimes that may mean fighting them, but that should not be the first line of defense against a bully. Often the bullying will stop when a person stands up for themselves, but it’s not a guarantee the bullying will end. It ultimately stops when an adult gets involved and helps the young person deal with and manage the conflict in acceptable ways.

Research shows that “When adults respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior, they send the message that it is not acceptable… this stops bullying behavior over time.” (E. 2015)

So let me tell you how my story ended. The scene in Jackie’s Way, where she was in Renaldo’s kitchen (not his name in real life) was real. That actually happened to me and it terrified me because that was the moment that I realized if something didn’t change one of us was going to be hurt really badly or wind up dead.

I made the conscious decision to try to figure out another way to deal with this conflict. I wish I could say I had a grandpa to ask. I didn’t.  I did however have faith.  I was raised to believe that there was a God who cared about our problems and who would step in and help if we asked. I can’t say it was a deep moment like I went to church and fell on my knees and saw a vision or something super spiritual like that.  No it was really a simple moment when I just whispered, “I need help.  Something has to change.”

The change began in me.

  1. The first thing I did was resolve to not put myself in a situation in harm’s way on his turf. I would no longer go to his house to play with his sisters. They would come to my house, or we’d play on neutral territory.
  2. I would no longer allow myself to be goaded into fights with him.
  3. I would ignore his taunts and not let them get to me internally.
  4. I would only defend myself if it became absolutely necessary.
  5. I would tell my broom wielding mom what was going on.

Result-bullying stopped.

Want to know what the most ironic thing was? This same bully later came to my defense in high school when someone said something out of line to me. How about that! Today that former bully is a preacher who teaches love, respect, and care for others.

As a parent, the most important thing you can do for your child when talking about bullying is to let them know they are not alone.

Bullying can be an incredibly isolating experience, and many victims feel that they are alone–that something about them, specifically, has brought this on. Explain to your child that bullying is something that can happen to anyone: boys, girls, preschoolers, high schoolers, kids’ at large schools and kids at small schools. This means there is a large group of people impacted by bullying, and if we all work together, we can certainly make a difference. (M. Deziel. 2013)

 

Resources

Back to School With Purpose. (2015, July 10). Retrieved August 02, 2017, from http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/schooling/bullying/how-to-deal-with-bullying.aspx

Bullying. (n.d.). Retrieved August 02, 2017, from http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/

 

Deziel, M. (2013, October 07). How To Talk To Your Child About Bullying. Retrieved August 02, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/07/how-to-talk-to-your-child_0_n_3984511.html

 

  1. (2017). How to Talk About Bullying. Retrieved from https://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/talking-about-it/index.html

LEARN HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT BULLYING! BUY JACKIE’S WAY TODAY!