In the Absence of my Father Author Featured on Gumbo for the Soul

Lena Arnold Featured on In Search of Fatherhood Gumbo for the Soul Blog Talk Radio

 

Lena Fields-Arnold Featured on Divas by Design

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5 Things Direct Sales Reps Want You to Know

5 Things Direct Sales Reps Want You to Know

By Lena Fields Arnold

February 7, 2018

I never thought much about direct sales representatives (aka door to door sales reps) until I became one. It never occurred to me how difficult their job is. Like postal carriers they brave extreme temperature and whether fluctuations, work under the threat of animal attacks, and sometimes have to deal with unreasonable and irrational people who can make their jobs a nightmare.

After dealing with one of the above mentioned unreasonable and irrational people I decided to write this post in the hopes that people will read it and think about it the next time a sales rep comes to your door.

door to door

We Are Not Stupid

In fact, most of us are pretty intelligent.  The vast majorities of sales reps are either pursuing higher education or have completed it.  We hold certifications, associates degrees, bachelor’s degrees, and even master’s degrees. Most of us work in sales because it allows us the flexibility to raise our families, and complete our education while earning a decent income. In many cases were are in an executive training program and often these programs require one year of direct door to door sales before the person can be promoted.

We are entertainers, college students, professional musicians, small business owners and up and coming executives; so when you talk to us, keep that in mind.  We love it when you converse with us, even after you have said no.  Not because we are still trying to sell you anything, but because we are interesting people who are interested in people.

We are Not Ashamed of our Jobs

Susan Horsburgh in her article “Life of a Salesman,” for People Magazine writes, “Door-to-door selling has a long history in the U.S., probably dating to the country’s early days when peddlers carried their wares in tin carriers or piled in a wagon.” Although the practice has significantly declined since 1980, door to door sales still exist and can be very profitable for those with a determined and disciplined nature.

Many successful people today either started out as directs sales reps, selling anything from encyclopedias, vacuums, beauty products, or home goods.  So prevalent was direct sales that once upon a time in America it was through the door to door salesperson that people bought a majority of their products.

As people became more enamored with retail stores and later online shopping, the direct salesperson began to be viewed as an unwelcome intrusion. Nevertheless, the growing use of technologies has not been able to fully kill the entrepreneurial spirit of the direct sales rep.

Sometimes We Really Aren’t Trying To Sell You Anything

We’re not just sales reps.  We are marketing professionals and often the companies we work for will ask us to survey customers for satisfaction, to ascertain why they dropped services, or to inform them of the benefits of new products and upgrades.  One of the first things I do when I am given a new territory is peruse through the list to find existing customers who may be eligible for free or reduced price upgrades. Often these customers aren’t aware of their eligibility. These specials benefit existing customers by saving them money or by increasing the value of their current services.  So when a sales rep says “I am not here to sell you anything.” They may just mean it.

Sales Reps are People Too

Like you we have families, obligations, and personal issues we are dealing with.  We come into this job knowing that 98% of the people don’t want what we are selling or may not see the value in the product. We muddle through because it is our job, and to be truthful most days we like what we do.  But like you, sometimes we have bad days.  So if you can see us through the door, you know you don’t want what we are offering, and you are tempted to answer the door just to be rude; please just don’t.  You are not obligated to open your door and opening it just to tell off a sales rep benefits no one. Most of us respect the No Soliciting sign, so just put one up and most of us won’t bother knocking on your door. Please keep this in mind as I move on to the next point.

no cold callers sign

It cost you nothing to be Nice

If you elect to open the door, remember it cost you nothing to be nice.  You may even be rewarded for it.  Once a lady opened the door just make me aware that I was soliciting in a no solicitation area.  When I informed her that I was not aware, she very politely directed me to the location of the no soliciting sign posted at the entrance to the neighborhood. We talked for a moment about the ordinance and I thanked her for making me cognizant of it and I forwarded a photo of the sign to the company I was working for.

She was so polite that we ended up talking about other issues and to make a long story short I was able to point her in a direction to help her resolve some things she was dealing with. I didn’t sell her anything, yet it was a win-win for both of us. It cost her nothing to be polite and in fact she gained a benefit. It cost you nothing to be polite either.

So to all you sales reps toiling out there in the streets, keep your head up.  I know your job is hard, but you have life goals you are trying to accomplish and as long as your sales job is helping you achieve your objectives keep on keeping on.

I’ll end by encouraging you to read the article Life of a Salesman (link below)by Susan Horsburgh who highlights the story of award winning salesman Bill Porter. According to Horsburgh, Porter, who suffers from cerebral palsy, once crawled the last part of his seven-mile route on his hands and knees. His “grit-and-gumption” story of how he became an award winning salesman was made into a TNT movie entitled “Door to Door.” He was successful because he was motivated by his dreams. I encourage you to remain motivated by yours.

Resources:

Life of a Salesman. (n.d.). Retrieved February 07, 2018, from http://people.com/archive/life-of-a-salesman-vol-58-no-4/

Remember the Door-to-door Sales Days?, Dorene Weinstein retrieved from https://www.argusleader.com/story/life/2014/03/28/remember-door-door-sales-days/7026505/

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Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Martin’s Quest: A Poetic Tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Excerpted from Scenes from the City: Poetic Pictures of Urban Life

Available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

Martin’s Quest

by Lena Arnold

 

Oh faithful man who would not bow under

the cruel crushing hand of the enemy.

Though long you suffered, still privy to know,

the coming defeat of  his foul cruelty.

 

Feeling deeply within your heart the call

of God’s men who as slaughtered lambs faithful;

did envision the day of Jim Crow’s fall,

urging you to press forward standing tall.

 

Hearing God say, “March on my dear son.”

Hearing God say, “Press on my people.”

 

Halls of Lady Justice echoed loudly,

with the shrill cries of dark earth’s hunted men.

Faces of amoral men look proudly,

disbelieving their cruel reign must now end.

 

The proud though, never give up nor give in.

Against the Divine they fail to desist.

Hatred as their friend—-yielding to its sin.

Evil in their heart—refuse to resist.

 

Did you o’ faithful one envision this;

When on the mountaintop you stood and said,

“Free at last.” True freedom your lips did kiss.

Till they found subtle ways to kill us dead!

 

Even now God is still to us saying.

“March on my dear sons and my dear daughters.

Press on my people. Press on my people.

Click Here to see the video on Daily Motion

Aziz Ansari and the Current Culture of Feminist Shaming: what’s a Guy to do?

by Lena Fields-Arnold

January 15, 2018

By all accounts actor Aziz Ansari did everything the feminist taught him to do.  He responded to a woman who came on to him and sent her home when she said no.  This temptress was weaned on the teats of the feminist agenda of sexual empowerment and suddenly in the wake of the #METOO movement, she now sees herself as the victim.

aziaAre you kidding me?  I don’t know about her, but one of the first dating skills I learned was never go to a man’s house on a date because you put YOURSELF into a compromising position. I learned this lesson the hard way after going on a double date with my best friend. I was sitting on the couch downstairs with my date and she was upstairs with hers.  While my date was very respectful, it appears hers was not as respectful because the next thing I know she was running downstairs yelling, “Let’s go!” My date and I exchanged worried glances as we saw his friend running behind her asking, “What did I do?”

Initially I was terrified because I thought she had been raped and I realized that it was quite possible that we had willingly placed ourselves into a dangerous position by agreeing to go to their apartment.  This was the days before cellphones so that made our decision to enter their ground even more-STUPID!

It turns out that she was not sexually harmed in any way, but rather was adamant that she was not interested in the same thing he was.  She wanted to get to know him intellectually, and he only wanted to get to know her physically. In effect he was being a normal guy.  Was he trying to convince her to change her mind-of course?  Did he force himself upon her? No.  Did she decide no meant no? Yes.  Did she play games with him or allow him to persuade her?  No because she and I had made the decision a long time ago that we would never allow anyone to make us go where we did not want to go.

Once we knew she was okay I turned to my date and said, “You should take us home now.”  Sadly he agreed.  At my door he asked if he could see me again and I said “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  It was too bad because he was a nice guy and I liked him.  He didn’t have to ask why.  He understood his friend had ruined it for the both of them.

Did we cry, “Foul!” afterwards?  Did we go around putting these guys on blast and try to ruin their lives and label them as sexual predators. No, because they weren’t horrible creatures and we weren’t victims.

So now back to Ansari who is in the unfortunate position of having to respond to an allegation of sexual assault by a woman he went out on a date with in the fall of 2017. By all accounts whatever happened was consensual except for the fact that afterwards she claims to -not be okay, alleging she felt “pressured” by Ansari to have intercourse, (which they didn’t-because apparently he does understand that no means no), and to perform oral sex, (which she did-probably because why? I don’t know-because maybe she doesn’t understand that no means no”).

According to the article in Babe this anonymous woman who doesn’t even have the courage to use her real name, used verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate she was “distressed.” and  “I cried the whole ride home.” (After Ansari called for a ride to take her home.)  “At that point I felt violated,” she said.  Note: She only felt violated AFTER he called for the ride.

So let’s translate her statement into a language everyone can easily understand.

I cried the whole way home after I acted like a whore and then got treated like one.  I felt violated because as I was on the drive of shame home I realized my fantasy of having a real relationship with Ansari was not going to come to pass.  Now I am too embarrassed to admit the truth so now that I have the power of the #METOO Movement I will pay him back for making me feel like a slut.

“It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award,” she said. “And absolutely cringe worthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up* pin. I think that started a new fire, and it kind of made it more real.”

You know what’s painful, you wanting me to feel sorry for you.  My best friend and I were still in our late teens when she came running down those stairs.  You want me to believe that you-a grown woman, don’t know how to tell a man no?  Yeah, I’m not buying it.

I will admit, it’s painful for me to know he wears that pin as well, but for different reasons.  I’m sad he’s supporting a movement designed to emasculate him and all men.  A movement whose very nature is to deprive them of their strength and  vigor; to spiritually weaken them and socially and publicly  castrate them.

Feminist author Jessica Valenti tweeted: “A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers ‘normal’ sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful.”

Bullcrap!  You can’t have it both ways.  On the one had you want men to respect you and that these “normal” encounters are not working for you, yet you constantly support ideas, shows, music, and media promoting a reshaping of cultural norms where women are free to flaunt their sexuality more often than not being the aggressors.  Further, you fail to support men in those instances where they are actually the victim.

I am more inclined to agree with Caitlyn Flanagan, who wrote in the Atlantic that Ansari is being “professionally assassinated on the basis of “one woman’s anonymous account.” Nothing was stopping this grown ass woman from leaving his premises and calling her own cab.  C’mon, she even let him pay for the ride!

Molly Roberts in her op ed for the Post Partisan writes, “We know how it happens. A man wants sex after an evening out, and a woman feels obligated to comply…” Obligated?  I thought we were talking about grown women here?  Did he buy her a Lamborghini?  She continues, “…Even when she’s not enjoying herself, she thinks she should be, and she tries hard to convince herself nothing is wrong until — maybe that night, maybe the next morning — it becomes too clear to ignore.

Seriously, it is really time out for this bull.  Women today are on the police force, in the militarily, they carry guns, jump out of planes, scale buildings, build bridges, lift weights, play professional sports, wrestle alligators, take martial arts and do a whole lot of things my grandmothers woman never did and you are trying to tell me she is still so weak that she can’t resist a man’s pressure to have sex? Maybe the problem is her, not him?

Roberts ends her article by posing the question of whether or not Ansari deserves the shaming and if his shaming should even be the central focus in a broken system.

I’ll end my post by answering Roberts’s question. No, Ansari does not deserve this. Stop being mad at men for being men; we all know they are going to try.  It has always been our job to determine how far they are allowed to go. Ansari did what he was taught by women to do-respect their boundaries.  She said no to one thing and yes to other things.  By all accounts he did not force himself upon her nor did anything she didn’t want to do.  What’s he supposed to do about her regrets? In a criminal case he would have the right to face his accusers.  How is he supposed to defend himself in the court of public opinion?

As women of the 21rst century who want to be respected and taken seriously we must first start by stopping playing the victim when no crime has taken place.  The stakes are too great and the potential consequences of crying wolf are too high. Everyday there are women who really are being victimized, raped, and abused and who have the courage to file criminal charges when necessary. Claims like these by “anonymous” victims make it harder for women who need our sympathy to get the justice they deserve. That’s what makes me sad.

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Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

Time’s Up is a campaign by women in entertainment to heighten awareness of gender inequality issues and curtail sexual harassment across industries.

 

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

Transgender Inmate Seeks Transfer to Female Prison Further Fueling Gender Wars

By Lena Fields-Arnold

1/8/2016

trans prisonerDeon Hampton is a 26-year-old MAN i.e.-transgender woman serving a 10-year sentence in for burglary.  According to Michael Tarm, writer for the Associated Press Hampton is seeking a rarely granted transfer to a female prison where “she” says she’ll be less vulnerable to the kinds of sexual assault, taunting and beatings she’s been subjected to in male prisons.

My question is, how safe will the women be on the prison he wants to transfer to?  In a previous posting on my blog I wrote about the MMA fighter who routinely beat her female opponents, nearly killing one before revealing a sex change operation. This operation apparently didn’t change the physical structure that allowed her to pummel her opponents.

Hampton’s lawsuit alleges that he is singled out for the taunting because he is transgendered.  I do not advocate violence and brutality on any inmate, but I do wonder, “how do prisoners prove they are being singled out specifically for this reason?

In prison, weaker prisoners are routinely singled out for harsh treatment.  What makes Mr. Hampton any different from them?  Where can they go to be safe?  Or perhaps this is Mr. Hampton’s plan to avoid any harsh treatment altogether?

In a South Park episode Cartman played such a game so he could use the girl’s restroom. He quickly realized that he could manipulate the system and get his own bathroom simply by claiming to be transgendered.  He carried out this plan even to the detriment of the system and his classmates.

What’s sad to me is that this case even got a hearing, when there are many more important things our tax dollars could be spent on. Don’t misunderstand me, if his claims of abuse are true then let’s deal with the issue from that frame of reference not adding, according to his lawyers, that Hampton is, “Unable to comfortably represent herself as female in the male prison — where she can’t wear her hair or nails long — has also been devastating psychologically,” and that he feels inhuman as a result of this inability.  REALLY!  Should I feel inhuman because I can’t grow my hair long or afford to get my nails done on a regular basis?  Sorry dude, any sympathy I might have felt for you was unceremoniously tossed out the window.

While there is some data to support those transgender inmates are at greater risk, but that data is minuscule when compared with the total number of prisoners in the system.  Besides, why should taxpayers pay for Hampton’s personal issues?  If I want my boobs removed (and I don’t by the way), no one’s going to pay for that!  My idiot neighbor makes me “feel uncomfortable.” Can I ask the government to buy me a new house and move me?

So Mr. Hampton, you want to be a woman.  That’s your business.  Might I recommend that you finish your sentence, get a job, and pay for your own breasts? Pay for your own estrogen treatments, and your own penis removal?  See because that part of the equation is a choice. Even if you believe that people are born gay and can’t control their attraction to the opposite sex, it is a far more difficult argument to claim that people are born in the wrong bodies.

There is a scripture that states that in the mouth of two or more witnesses let a thing be established. You don’t have to believe in the Bible for this to be a good point of reference. Stay with me people. Don’t let a little scripture reference run you off. If I’d quoted Gandhi you’d still be here so don’t leave me now.

This first witness was given to be by a 7th grader:

  1. Visual Inspection

Remove your clothes and stand in front of the mirror.  If you have breast (no matter how small), and a vagina the probability that you are female is 99.99 %.

If you do not have breast or maybe some fatty tissue that look like breast and a penis (no matter how small) the probability that you are male is 99.99%.

  1. Medical Evaluation

Get a comprehensive medical exam that includes full cavity exploration.  If the doctor’s hand can go up and inside you from the front and back, the probability that you are female is 99.99 %. To ensure accuracy have an x-ray or an MRI.  If the technician sees a uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes-then Houston I think we have a FEMALE.

  1. Scientific Study

While at the doctors, give up some blood and have it tested for the presence of estrogen and/or testosterone. If the results show a preponderance of estrogen then you are probably a girl. If the results show a preponderance of testosterone then you are probably a boy.

  1. Biological Comparison

In biology we learned that the X and Y chromosomes determine a person’s sex. Most women are XX and most men are XY. Occasionally an individual will be born with a single sex chromosome or even multiple sex chromosomes.  In these rare cases doctors will look at all the above factors to help determine a person’s actual gender, and in most cases discover these abnormalities prior to birth or shortly thereafter.  For more information visit the World Health Organization’s website, ask your science teacher, or physician.

I’m not trying to be insensitive, because for those rare cases this can be a heart wrenching issue in which they had no choice. But let’s face it, for the majority of people claiming transgendered this is not a scientific issue, but rather a psychological one.  Something, somewhere, along the course of life happened that altered the way they think about themselves.  You know how I know, because they talk too much about their “feelings” and how other people are making them “feel” because of how they “feel.” Maybe if you didn’t talk so much about being transgendered no one would even know you were.

The article goes on to state that, “While prison officials do have the option of assigning such male-to-female transgender inmates to women’s prisons — it happens infrequently.”  That’s probably because prison officials have a lot more pressing problems on their plate worrying about the 99.99% of prisoners who are not transgendered.

So this is probably a good lesson for those who may be struggling with this issue-don’t commit crimes that will land you in the prison system.  It is unfair to expect the rest of the world to accommodate Hampton because he chose to have his procedure interrupted by committing a punishable offense that subsequently landed him in prison. Even if he claims to have had no choice in his gender he cannot argue that he didn’t have a choice in whether to commit a legally punishable crime.

So now like all the rest of the prisoners Hampton must press pause on his personal life, and he wants to rest of us to feel bad about it.  Sorry dude no can do. See because here’s the thing it doesn’t matter what you “feel” like.  Being a male or female is not a feeling-IT JUST IS!

Some days I feel like a lazy slug.  But that don’t make me a slug.  Some days I feel like the most beautiful female on the planet-but that don’t make me a supermodel. However if I want to have surgery and implants to make me feel like the inner supermodel I know I am, I don’t expect my country to pay for it. Although that would be cool and I would so take advantage of that!

However in all seriousness, for the extremely small percentage of people for whom life is not so simple; who really do have biological and/or medical issues relative to gender identity, it is wrong to exploit this matter and make things more difficult for those who really do deserve our sympathy. If Hampton really wanted to promote the cause for those struggling with transgender issues he would buck up, stand up straight (no pun intended) and advocate for the cause in a more meaningful way-one that does not further fuel divisiveness.

Related Articles:

http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/09/walt-heyer-proves-sex-change-regret-real-thats-trans-lobby-hates/

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Lena Fields-Arnold is an author and motivational speaker whose work has been featured in numerous papers and periodicals. As a writer, Lena seeks to push people past their comfort zones and engage in meaningful dialogue that moves beyond the boundaries of political correctness, and leads to real understanding and mutual respect-even for opposing opinions and beliefs. Lena received her master’s degree on Executive Leadership from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and her bachelor’s in Mass Communications Wright State University in Dayton, OH.  As a journalist, she has written for several periodicals and was endorsed by the late CBS News Correspondent Ed Bradley for “…being a thoughtful writer who goes beyond…” To read more of Lena’s Work visit Stuff Inside My Head- the Official Blog of Lena Fields Arnold at: https://lenafieldsarnold.wordpress.com/

In the Absence of My Father-Spanish Version Coming 2018

Extraído de en la Ausencia de mi Padre por Lena Arnold

Libro disponible en abril de 2018

El Padre Bueno

Por Lena Arnold

Copyright 2009

 Él es más noble que cualquier rey humano.

Y sirve por mucho más motivos de nobler.

Su sacrificio sirve como el testigo,

contra aquellos que cometen la traición paternal.

Él serves:

Para el sonido que su hijo hace,

cuando él aspira por la noche.

Para la sonrisa de su hija,

cuando el sol arrojó su luz llena

 

Para la mirada de la luna

cuando ellos persiguen a luciérnagas.

Para el viento libre en sus pies,

cuando ellos corren rápido con cielos azules.

 

Ya que el dulce susurran de la arena,

durante un día de verano caliente.

Para las bolas de nieve frío frígido,

durante el juego del invierno de diversión.

 

Para la alegría ellos le traen realmente,

con canciones tontas; bailes extraños.

Para la vida ellos lo aspiran,

con sus caminos locos y payasadas.

 

Para decir chillando ruedas en el pavimento,

cuando sus motos se estrellan a la tierra.

Para el golpe en su pecho,

cuando él da vuelta hacia el sonido.

 

Para los latidos del corazón él siente,

cuando él los sostiene estrechamente.

Para el amor en sus ojos penetrantes,

cuando él venda rodillas peladas.

 

Para abrazos incondicionales,

al final de día difícil.

Para amor incondicional, y

por una razón de rezar.

 

Tan para cada padre dentro del sonido de mi voz;

Para cada padre que hizo la opción optativa;

al hombre y aceptan la responsabilidad,

Quien anted; funcionamiento desinteresadamente.

 

Le saludo hoy y para siempre,

Le armo caballero cuando usted nunca ha sido antes.

Un noble más valiente que cualquier fila en de la mesa redonda,

Constante en compromiso, estable, seguro y estable.

 

Usted héroes de zanja verdaderos paternales.

Partícipes de esta ceremonia informal.

Quien viendo palabras sobre el pergamino impersonal,

Merezca más que el reconocimiento superficial.

Ya que usted sirve por mucho más motivos de nobler que

patriotismo, venganza, o honradez.

Usted simplemente sirve, como usted ama.

¿Qué podría estar más espléndido alguna vez que esto?

absence

In the Absence of My Father Book Review

Posted by Permission from Diane A. Sears, Global and USA Coordinator for International Men’s Day, the Managing Editor of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD

Diane, thank you so much for this heartfelt review that brought tears to my eyes.-Lena

IN THE ABSENCE OF MY FATHER:  GIVING VOICE TO THE UNSPOKEN PAIN OF FATHERLESSNESS AND UNVEILING THE POWERFUL GIFTS  THAT FATHERS BESTOW

BY:  Diane A. Sears

There are 2.3 billion children occupying this space and place we know as Planet Earth and 320,000,000 of these souls are making their journey from childhood to adulthood in a single parent home.   For many reasons – reasons they did not create  – these souls are Fatherless.   They have become casualties of extenuating circumstances beyond their control.   And our communities have become casualties of the absence of Fathers in our children’s lives.  It’s all about the “hands that rock the cradle” and the “hands that do not rock the cradle”.   Who speaks for these 320,000,000 souls?   In The Absence Of My Father (www.amazon.com) is a powerful body of work penned by prolific author, publisher, and consultant on family and youth issues, Mrs. Lena Fields Arnold.   It is an instrument through which Fatherless children can see their reflections and hear their own voices.    Mrs. Arnold’s masterfully crafted literary work — In The Absence Of My Father— is an instrument that provides society with an unabashedly honest look at the devastating impact Fatherlessness has on the soul and spirit of children who are the “heart and soul” of our communities and our global village.    In a poetic narrative which bears the same name as the title of her book, “In The Absence Of My Father”, Mrs. Arnold unearths the  “excess baggage” of unspoken emotional and spiritual pain and the persistent and weighty feeling of “unworthiness” that the global village’s 320,000,000 Fatherless souls carry around.   It is “excess baggage” that plays out in their decision making, behavior, and professional and personal relationships and in the lives of everyone they are connected to.

absence At the same time, through In The Absence Of My Father, Mrs. Arnold speaks for the 1.98 billion souls who are children who have either a Father or a Figure Father in their life.  Through a succinct poetic narrative, “Father”, Mrs. Arnold pays homage to the Men throughout our global village who are positively shaping the minds and souls of our children – the global village’s “heart and soul”.   While In The Absence Of My Father paints a graphic picture of the devastation that Fatherlessness visits upon children and communities, it also unearths the unspoken impact and importance of  Fathers who positively shape the minds and souls of our children – the “heart and soul” of our global village.   And the unspoken far reaching impact and importance of Fathers are the powerful gifts they bestow upon our children.   Through two soulful poetic narratives, “Sonnet in September” and “Sweet Surrender”, Mrs. Arnold unveils these powerful and positively transforming gifts that Fathers bestow upon our children – gifts which are, to a degree, taken for granted.  Men who are able to remain in the lives of their children have a powerful impact on both their child and our global village.  These Men constitute the important pair of “hands that rock the cradle”.

Inasmuch as In The Absence Of My Father is an instrument through which Fatherless children can see their own reflection and hear their own voice, it is also an instrument through which children whose journey from childhood to adulthood has been guided by a Father or a Father Figure can speak to the powerful gifts bestowed upon them by Men who were able to remain in their lives at a time when they were needed the most.

In The Absence Of My Father is required reading for Fatherhood Practitioners and Advocates, social services professionals and providers, health care professionals and providers, educators, school administrators, parents, legislators, legal professionals, law enforcement professionals, community activists, social entrepreneurs, and public policy professionals.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Diane A. Sears is the Global and USA Coordinator for International Men’s Day, the Managing Editor of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® (http://globalfatherhooddialogue.blogspot.com), a quarterly international Fatherhood and Men’s Issues journal; a member of the University Council for Men’s Studies and Fatherhood Program at Akamai University (www.akamaiuniversity.us)  a member of Leading Women For Shared Parenting (www.lw4sp.org) , the host of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®, a blog talk radio show (www.blogtalkradio.com/gumboforthesoul), and the Editor/Author of a Fatherhood book, In Search Of Fatherhood®–Transcending Boundaries (www.amazon.com)

 

Baby It’s Cold Outside: The Original Date Rape Song

Every holiday season the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is one of the most popular songs played. AND IT IS PLAYED EVERYWHERE. On the radio, in stores, restaurants, and even church Christmas parties. But in light of all the recent allegations of men sexually harassing and abusing women; as well as the revival of the “Me Too” Campaign, I had to ask myself why?

Am I the only one who has ever listened to this song and thought, “Seriously, this is a straight up date rape song!”

Think about it, this chick is telling this man over and over no! Where are the No means no feminnazi’s, (oops I mean feminist) sticking up for this woman? How many times and ways can you say no before it gets in his head?

Okay, so I get it.  It was 1944.  Men could get away with putting date rape drugs in a woman’s drink and charming his way into a woman’s drawers while she’s inebriated, write a song about doing, and get paid a lot of money.  But it’s 2017. C’MON!”

I like the way writer J.C. Bourque puts it.

I was just starting to read when the first words of that disgusting celebration of date rape seared my sensibilities: ‘I really can’t stay (but baby, it’s cold outside).
I was deep into a review copy of the forthcoming book “How to Ruin Everything: The Ultimate Guide to Political Correctness, Virtue Signaling and Victimization,” when The Song came up on my Amazon Echo. “Alexa,” I screamed, “turn off that misogynistic piece of patriarchal, rape-baiting trash immediately!”

….huh, what’s that?  Uh huh…so you are telling me that there are a lot of misogynistic songs like this still played on the radio and purchased by women?

Shoot, you right. You right! But aren’t those STUPID women, who hopefully don’t know any better?  This doggone song is sung by, played by, and purchased by grown women and men who should know better.  This stupid song has become a dang on holiday icon.  A Christmas staple if you will.  I just want to know how it happened.  Take a look at the lyrics for yourself below if you don’t believe me.

Lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”written

by Frank Loesser 1944

She-I really can’t stay –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
She-I’ve got to go away –

Him-Baby it’s cold outside
she-This evening has been –

Him-Been hoping that you’d drop in
she-So very nice –

Him-I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

she-My mother will start to worry –

him-Beautiful, what’s your hurry?
she-Father will be pacing the floor

him– Listen to the fireplace roar
she-So really I’d better scurry –

him-Beautiful, please don’t hurry
she-Maybe just a half a drink more –

him-Put some records on while I pour

she-The neighbors might think –

he-Baby, it’s bad out there
sheSay, what’s in this drink?

he-No cabs to be had out there
sheI wish I knew how

he-Your eyes are like starlight now
sheTo break this spell

he-I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell

sheI ought to say no, no, no

he-Mind if I move in closer?

IMG_3388hey fella no means no

IMAGE and link to a really good post by Four Eyes Rella http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html
sheAt least I’m gonna say that I tried

he-What’s the sense in hurting my pride?
sheI really can’t stay

he-Baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside

she-I’ve got to get home –

he-Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
she-Say, lend me your coat –

he-It’s up to your knees out there
she-You’ve really been grand –

he-Thrill when you touch my hand
she-Why don’t you see –

he-How can you do this thing to me?

she-There’s bound to be talk tomorrow –

he-Think of my life long sorrow
she-At least there will be plenty implied –

he-If you caught pneumonia and died
she-I really can’t stay –

he-oh baby don’t hold out
both-Ah, but it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

See.  Told you.

dean martin

“Here’s a little secret we have to say out loud: Women love the sexual interplay they experience with men, and they relish men desiring their beauty.”- (Click Here to read full article.)

Or maybe we can blame Dean Martin, who after all personifies the very image of that foreplay. Dang on it Dean, why did you have to go and be so doggone cool?  By the way, you were Dean Martin for goodness sake-women would have sex with you while they were sober.

For the rest of us it’s time to give this song the cold shoulder.

Finally, since the whole purpose of my blog is to tie everything back to leadership let me just say this. Real leaders don’t deliberately slip people drugs and take advantage of them while they are high or drunk-and we sure as hell don’t sing about doing it either.


 

Sources:

Bourque, J.C., It May Be Cold Outside, But It’s Sure Hot In Here,  2017 Retrieved fromhttp://thefederalist.com/2017/12/22/may-cold-outside-sure-hot/

Loesser, Frank, “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” 1944

McAllister, D.C. “Can We Be Honest About Women” The Federalist, 2017 retrieved from http://thefederalist.com/2017/12/12/can-honest-women/

Noverella, “Baby It’s Cold Outside (and Rapey) Inside, 2010, retrieved from http://novarella.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-its-cold-outside-and-rapey-inside.html

The articles and writers I cited above are really good and I encourage you to read them.